Her hands were on my back, pushing me to it. Her voice sounded funny, “But, honey, you have to. They won’t be mean… I met the mother this morning. She has a son your age. You could be friends.”

“I have friends,” I said, crossing my arms. I screamed as she moved me forward. “I don’t wanna…” I told her, grabbing the counter and holding onto it.

“Well, you have to,” she said back. Her fingers touched mine, trying to make me let go. But I wouldn’t. I wasn’t going to that house. The last neighbours had a son who spat on me. “Your sister and Dad have gone out, so it’s just you and me. You don’t want me to go on my own, do you?”

I smiled and nodded. She gave me a sad look. Then she suddenly grabbed me and threw me over her shoulder, walking out the door. “No! No, Mum! Put me down!”

“No,” she said in a happy voice. She was walking, but I couldn’t see where we were going. All I could see was her cardigan. It was beige. Then she suddenly put me down. I was on the doorstep of the house next door! I had to run away! But she was holding my arm so I couldn’t.

I shook my arm as much as I could, and she let go. I was going to run off, but then I looked at the door. I couldn’t leave her. What if they were mean? I took her hand. The door opened. A smiley woman was standing there. “Hi,” she said. I squeezed Mum’s hand. She was too nice. It was weird.

“Hello,” Mum said. “We live next door. I’m Sheena, and this is my son, Tom. We just thought we’d come over and introduce ourselves.”

“Thank you. That’s very kind,” the woman said. “It’s just me and my son here, but I’m sure Danny would love to meet you, Tom.”

I didn’t like her. I kept hold of Mum’s hand- not wanting her to leave me. I didn’t want to look at the woman, so I looked at the ground. “He’s shy,” Mum said. “He’s not normally this quiet.”

“I understand. I’m a primary school teacher. I start at the school down the road on Monday. Tom’s nerves aren’t unusual.”

I felt angry. She didn’t know me. She couldn’t say that. I heard some noise, and looked up. A boy was coming down the stairs. He looked happy- but then he looked at me and it all went away. “Mum?” he said to the woman. “Who’s he?”

My body went stiff. I had liked the boy until he said that. He was looking at me like I was dirt. He didn’t want to like me. The woman looked at him, and I saw anger. She wasn’t like my mum. “Danny. Don’t be so rude! This is Tom, and his mum, Sheena. They live next door.”

“Yes, but why are they here?” He was looking straight at me.

She smiled at Mum like he was doing nothing bad. “Sorry about him. He’s yet to grasp the concept of manners. This is Danny, and I’m Julie.”

Mum nodded, “Well, if you need anything, we’re next door, with my husband and daughter. Don’t be afraid to drop by. Come on, Tom.” I let go of her hand and walked away. I didn’t want to be near that boy. He was weird. He didn’t even know me.

“Wait! Tom!” Danny grabbed my arm from behind. He pulled me away from Mum. His face looked funny. He looked scared. “If you hurt me,” he said. “I won’t be happy.”

“What?”

“You heard,” he said. He sounded dangerous. “I don’t want you to hurt me as well. You always look nice, but all you do is hurt me. I don’t want you to.”

I shook my head, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

He nodded, “Yes you are. Everyone does. I deserve it. Mum says I do. But I don’t want it.”

I looked at him. He was weird. More weird than I had thought. “Go away,” I said to him. He gave me a funny look, like he thought I was going to do something else, then walked back to his house.

*****

He was in my school. He got a big speech in class about him. I didn’t listen. I knew all I needed to know about him from what he’s said to me. “Tom,” the teacher said to me. I looked at her. “Can Danny sit next to you?”

I didn’t answer. I didn’t want Danny to sit next to me, but Miss might get angry if I said no. “But, Miss, Harry sits next to me…”

“Harry can sit next to Dougie,” she said.

“I want to sit next to Tom,” Harry said.

“You always sit next to Tom,” she said back. “You can sit next to Dougie for a while… I know you like Dougie.”

“But, Miss, I like sitting on my own,” Dougie called. “Or he could sit next to me- I don’t mind.” Dougie was like that. He could be nice to practically anyone- Harry was meaner.

“No, he’s sitting next to Tom,” Miss. Stevens said, looking right at me like I was being naughty. “He and Harry need to learn to cope without each other. Harry, go sit next to Dougie. Danny, you can sit here.”

“I don’t want to,” he said quietly, his eyes on the floor. His face had gone kind of red at the trouble he had caused.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said in reply. “You don’t know him. I’m sure if you sit next to each other, you’ll be best of friends in no time.”

Harry hit the desk hard, “I’m Tom’s best friend.”

“Then you’ll go and sit next to Dougie to stop Tom from getting sent to the naughty corner for the whole of playtime,” Miss said. I could tell she was getting angry at us.

Harry stood up. “I liked it better when you were away having your baby,” he told her, before marching of to sit next to Dougie.

“So did I,” I heard her mutter quietly. “I was away from you…” She cleared her throat, and smiled at Danny, “There you are. You can sit here.”

*****

Three years later

“We don’t want people like you in this school, Danny,” Harry spat, forcing him up against the wall of the cloakroom. “You know why? Because you’re nothing.”

“I’m not nothing,” Danny responded, but he didn’t sound sure. He looked really scared. I think he thought Harry was going to hurt him. “If I was, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Don’t talk back to me!” Harry shouted in his face. “We could have you-”

“Harry,” Dougie hissed from his position on lookout by the wall. I was standing behind Harry, ready to pull him back if he went too far, something he did a lot. “It’s Hunter.”

“Watch your step,” Harry said to Danny, before turning and running off. Dougie followed him. I didn’t move as fast, watching Danny as he remained pressed as far against the wall as he could. He still looked scared. I felt a tugging in my stomach.

“Tom? Danny?” Oh, no. Hunter had arrived. Mr. Hunter was the most hated teacher in the school- because he was famed for keeping people in at lunch and break when they didn’t actually do anything.

“Hi, sir,” I said nervously, trying not to show it.

“Were you fighting?” he asked, his eyes darting between us like he was hoping one of us would whip out a magic marker and write the answer on our forehead to help him out.

Danny shook his head, stepping away from the wall. He was still uncomfortable, I noticed. He didn’t move too close to me. “No. We weren’t even talking. We’re allowed in the cloakroom. I needed to put my lunchbox away.”

“I don’t believe you,” he told us, just in case we couldn’t work that out from the way he was glaring at us. “I heard shouting.”

“It’s lunchtime, sir,” I said, forcing a frown onto my face. “We don’t have to be silent. It wasn’t us.”

He shook his head, “I think you’re lying. You two are always fighting. Come on. Since you seem to like being indoors so much, you can spend lunch in a classroom with only each other for company.”

“But we weren’t doing anything!” I protested.

*****

I stared at the clock in the classroom, willing it to speed up so the bell could ring. We weren’t talking, but it felt awkward. I turned back to my book, trying to loose myself in it so time would pass quicker. “Your physic powers not working?” Danny asked gently. “Think you can make the bell go?”

“Shut up, Danny,” I snapped, looking up into his smirking face. He was calmer now, and had been drawing in a random notebook since we’d gotten in here.

“So, no?”

“If you don’t shut up, you’re going to find Point Blanc lodged in your head,” I warned, holding up my book with one hand to let him see what I meant. He wouldn’t know it. People like Danny didn’t read Alex Rider books.

“What? And risk getting a red card?” he asked. Everyone knew how nervous I was about being well-behaved in class. Danny didn’t care.

“Hurting you will make it worth it,” I said, getting to my feet. He leaned back in his chair, still watching me with the same look on his face. He wasn’t as openly scared of me as he was of Harry, but I could see it in his eyes sometimes. That small flicker of fear that gave him away.

“Try it,” he whispered. However, as I moved towards him, I saw the look on his face change. This wasn’t the flicker that I saw, or the wide eyes that Harry received. I reached him, raising my hand. “No!” he cried, grabbing my arm. He was shaking. He looked like he was having a fit or something.

I dropped my book on the desk, “Danny?”

“Don’t hurt me. I won’t do it again,” he said, closing his eyes. He rocked back and forth slightly. “Please. Don’t.”

I wasn’t sure whether it would be a good idea to touch him on the arm or not. I settled for raising my voice slightly, “Danny! I’m not going to hurt you! Calm down!”

“Yes, you are,” he insisted. “It’s always the ones with the friendly faces!”

“Danny…” I took a step forward, but he launched his jotter at me to keep me back. I did as I was told, and bent down to pick up the jotter. It had fallen open at a random page, and my jaw dropped at what I saw.

It was a sketch, but not like the type people in our year tended to draw. It looked really grown up. It was of a dark street scene, with people passing by, all coloured in dark shades. But right in the centre there was one boy sitting on a bench, drawn in bright colours to make him stand out. He didn’t look happy, but looked more like he was in pain. His hands were covering his face.

The sketch book was suddenly wrenched out of my hands. “Don’t look at those!” Danny ordered. I looked up at him. He had stopped shaking, but there was still that wild fear in his eyes. “Don’t look at them!” he repeated. I nodded slowly.

“Okay.” The bell went off as I stood up properly- showing the end of lunch and my discovery that there was something worryingly weird about Danny Jones.

*****

Three years later

“Harry, leave him alone,” I told my best friend, shoving him in the shoulder. “He’s not done anything wrong.”

“Yeah. Why are you so obsessed with bugging him?” Dougie agreed.

“He’s a freak. A rat,” he said slowly, as if he thought that would help get it into our heads. “Rats need to be killed. They carry diseases.”

“Harry, no!” I protested, grabbing his arm. Ever since the incident in the classroom, I’d been trying to keep Harry away from Danny. Danny clearly had some sort of mental problem. It wasn’t fair that we kept picking on him. Sometimes I managed to put off Harry, sometimes I didn’t.

His eyes flashed, “What’s wrong with you lately? You’ve turned into a right goody-two-shoes. Before, I was the one holding you back.”

“Things change. If you go over to Danny and bug him, you can say goodbye to me.”

Harry stared at me in shock as Dougie gasped. “Are you going to fall out with me?”

“Yes.”

He shook his head, “You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t dare.” He turned and stalked off towards Danny. I groaned.

“I thought that would stop him,” Dougie muttered.

“It didn’t. But I’m gonna.” I ran after him.

“You know the problems you’ve caused?!” Harry was shouting in Danny’s face. He didn’t look bothered- over the years he’d grown increasingly less scared of Harry.

“No. But I’m glad I’ve caused you problems. You don’t deserve to have a good life,” he retorted.

“You’re going to regret that one, Jones!” I saw the flicker of fear in Danny’s eyes as Harry brought back his fist. I grabbed his arm from behind, and dragged him back.

“I told you to leave him alone,” I hissed at him, my anger taking over.

“You’re wrong in the head if you think he doesn’t deserve it,” Harry spat. He wriggled free and straightened up. “Stay out of this, Tom.”

“No. I’m not going to let you act like you own the playground!”

I was aware that everyone was looking at us, but I didn’t care. Harry stared at me, his own anger clear on his face and eyes. “And what are you going to do about?” he asked softly. “I can go over there, and punch him, and there’s not a thing you can do to stop me.”

He took a step back towards Danny. I caught his shoulder, and pulled him back round. “Don’t be so sure,” I told him, before throwing my fist straight into his face.

*****

Mr. Connors seized me by the scruff of the neck as I tried to walk off after school, “Hang on, Mr. Fletcher. We have to talk about your attitude.”

My shirt caught on my Adam’s apple, making me choke. Was he allowed to do that? I stopped short. “I don’t have an attitude, sir.”

“Then explain why you decided to punch Harry in the middle of the playground,” he said sternly.

“He was picking on Danny.”

“You don’t even like Danny,” he remarked. I frowned. Was it really that obvious?

I shrugged, “Doesn’t mean he needs picked on.”

“Why didn’t you report it?”

“There was no time. Sir,” I added as an afterthought, in case he thought I was being cheeky.

“You do know your mother’s going to hear about this?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Go home.” He shoved me in the back, towards the gate. I followed through, walking off as calmly as I could manage. I just lived round the corner, so Mum let me walk home on my own.

“Tom!” I heard a voice call as I left the school gate. I didn’t stop for him.

“Go away.”

Danny didn’t take the not-so-sly hint and fell into step next to me. “Why did you do that?”

“‘Cause I had the sudden urge to attack my friend. Leave me alone.”

“No,” he said simply. “You can’t stand up for me, and then act like it was nothing!”

“It was nothing. Go home and stop bugging me,” I told him as we turned onto our street.

“But you-”

I cut him off, “People like Harry. They’re jerks. They need to be knocked down. I had to do it. Someone else would’ve. It was nothing to do with you.”

“Nothing to do with me?” he demanded. “He was about to punch my face in, and it was nothing to do with me?!”

“Exactly.” We’d reached my house, and he’d followed me up to the doorstep. I got my keys out, just in case Mum wasn’t in. “Go home, Danny. It didn’t mean anything.” I tried the door- which was open. I gave him a fake smile and went in. He came in behind me. I spun round, “I didn’t tell you you could come in!”

“Well, just let me say this, then I’ll go,” he said stubbornly, crossing his arms across his chest.

“I don’t want to hear it,” I told him. “Just leave.”

“I’m trying to say thank you!” he said angrily.

I turned away from him, dropping my keys in the bowl next to the door and took off my coat. “They’re jerks, Jones,” I repeated, hanging it up. “Don’t take it personally.”

“So you’re saying you got kept in at break in punishment for punching him when he was giving me hassle, and it meant nowt.” He shook his head at me pityingly. “Nah. That don’t slide, Fletcher.”

I glared at him. “And what d’you think we should do about that?”

Danny thought for a moment, then held out a hand: “Truce.”

My jaw dropped open before I could stop it, “What?”

“A truce,” he said again, his face totally serious. “Try to get along.”

I looked from his hand to his face, and back again, “Why?”

“I’m sick of fighting with you.” He was looking right at me, waiting for an answer. It made sense. I was getting sick of it as well. I nodded my head, moving forward and shaking his hand.

“Want to come upstairs and play the X-Box?” I figured one of us had to take the first step.

He smiled nervously, “Okay. That would be good.”

I nodded. “Mum?” I called. There was movement in the living from, and I frowned at the door I was standing next to. I bet she’d heard. I pushed the door open, “Mum?”

She looked up from polishing a shiny cabinet, a weird look on her face- like she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t be. Yup. She’d heard all right… “Yes?”

“Me and Danny are going up to my room. We’ll be there if you need us.”

“Danny?” she asked innocently. I just looked at her for a moment, and she shrugged in defeat. “Well, you were hardly quiet…” she told me. “That’s fine. Take your bag up with you, though. Don’t leave it by the door for people to trip over.”

I saluted her and turned back to Danny, who still looked nervous. I picked up my bag, “Let’s go.”

He moved up the stairs ahead of me, but paused at the landing. “Which one’s yours?” he asked. I pointed, and he walked in. I almost walked right into him as he stopped dead in the doorway.

“What?”

“How come your Mum lets you put up all these posters?”

I pushed him forward gently so I could get in, being careful not to scare him. He seemed to be scared everyone was going to hurt him. “I dunno. She says I can do whatever I want with this room, as long as I don’t mess up the rest of the house.”

“My room’s really boring. Mum won’t let me put any marks on the walls.”

I turned to look at him as I took of my bag and turned on my TV and X-Box. He was still standing in the doorway. “Come in and shut the door,” I told him. He did so. “Your mum sounds well strict.”

He wrinkled his nose thoughtfully, “She just likes things a certain way…” I motioned him over, and he sat on the floor next to me.

“You ever played this before?” I asked. He shook his head. “You’re missing out. Harry has practically all the games. I have all the best ones, though.”

“Why d’you go around with Harry?” he asked suddenly.

I frowned, “Because he’s my friend. Don’t you have any friends?”

I was surprised when he shook his head again. “Everyone already has them. They don’t need me.

I stared at him, “You can never have too many friends.”

He shrugged, “They don’t need me.” He turned his attention to the screen, and his eyes lit up, “Is this a racing game? I’ve always wanted to play one of these!”

I nodded, “Yeah. One of the best ones.” I showed him how to play it, and we began.

He was actually really good- which was weird for a first timer. “You better not be winning!” I cried with a grin as we neared the finishing post. He was slightly ahead of me, blocking my path whenever I tried to overtake him. “Don’t you dare win!”

My jaw dropped in shock as he put his controller down so his car stopped and I went past him and over the finish line. “Why did you do that?!” I demanded.

“You told me not to win.”

“Yeah. But I didn’t mean-” I sighed. This guy was too good at following orders. “Look, when we’re playing a game, you never let the other person win. We’ll do a best two out of three, and whoever looses has to bring a bag of sweets to school tomorrow. Don’t let me win!”

*****

“You got the sweets?” Danny asked with a grin the next morning.

I scowled at him, “That was beginner’s luck. I have no idea how you won.”

“Beginner’s luck. Or so you say…” He laughed and jogged off down the road. He stopped at the corner though to let me catch up.

*****

Five years later

“We’re going out!” Danny announced, breezing into my room.

I looked up from my book, leaning back against the pillows on my bed. “Oh, yeah? And when did you decide this?”

He whacked me lightly round the head with his sketchbook. “About five minutes ago,” he revealed, flopping down on the bed next to me. “C’mon! It’ll be fun! We can go to a club- check out the girls…”

I rolled my eyes, “You have a one track mind.”

“So say yes to it or it will never be happy again,” he retorted dramatically. I snorted with laughter.

“Fine… But you better not run off with a random girl and leave me on my own,” I warned.

“You just have to be more sociable…” he scolded gently, ruffling my hair. I swatted him away.

“I need to be more sociable?!” I demanded with a laugh. “May I remind you how we became friends?! And what you were like before me…?”

He blushed, “I had my reasons.” He waved a hand dismissively, “And I’m not going to leave you in your own… We’re going to find two girls.”

*****

“Check them out, Tom,” he enthused, his eyes on some people across the club. He nudged me in the side, “Let’s go.” He led me round the side of the dance-floor, and leaned on the bar, smiling charmingly at the two girls, “Hey.”

One of them ran a critical eye over us, before smiling slowly, “Hey. You two here to dance?”

Danny held out a hand to her, “Would we be here if we weren’t? I’m Danny.”

“Melissa.” She took his hand and leaned against him gently, looking at me questionably.

“Tom.”

“Samantha,” the other girl said. She looked awkward, like she really didn’t really want to be here. Her eyes were fixed on me, as she realised that we’d been paired together.

Melissa grinned at her, “We’re going to dance. Have fun!” She pulled Danny off to the floor.

“It’s a shame they don’t sell alcohol in under-18 clubs,” I said to Samantha conversationally, sliding onto a barstool.

She frowned, turning to look at me again after having glared her best friend off, “What?”

I shrugged, “It might help you loosen up.” I turned to order a drink from the barman.

“What right do you have to imply I need to loosen up?!” she snapped. I gave a slow smile and spun back to face her.

“Loosen your tongue.” I leaned back on the bar casually, and held up a single finger, “Let me put it this way: Did you ever plan to tell her you’re gay?”

Her jaw dropped. “How-? How did you-?” she stammered. “How?”

I shrugged, “I can just tell.” I smiled in thanks at the man behind the bar, handing over my money. “Body stance. Posture. Reaction. You emit this feeling of nerves when you think guys are coming onto you. Most guys would see it as normal nerves, but it runs deeper than that… Drink?”

She nodded, her eyes still on mine, “If you’re offering.” I jerked a shoulder. “Ice-cream soda, please. Coke.” She grinned at my raised eyebrow, “I don’t care. It’s nice.”

“I’m not going to pass judgement.” I looked out at the dance-floor. Danny and Melissa were moving fluidly with each other to the music. I looked back at Samantha, to find her studying me with apparent interest, “What?”

“Where did you analyse like that?”

“I didn’t learn- I just can. I’m good at picking up on feelings.” I took a sip of my drink, considered, “Blessing? Curse? Who the hell knows?”

“Depends on what you pick up on,” she agreed.

I nodded, my eyes back on the floor. Danny was behind Melissa, his hands on her hips as she swayed to the music. She had one hand round his neck, and was looking back at him. “Exactly.”

I looked over in interest as her ice-cream soda appeared. It looked nice- I had to admit. But it was bloody massive! I gave the bartender the money, surprised at how cheap it was. I laughed as she stuck a straw in it. “Don’t you need a spoon for that?”

“Don’t be stupid…” was her brisk response. I laughed again. I kept finding my eyes drawn to the dance-floor. But it wasn’t Melissa I was focusing on…it was Danny.

The way his lean body was moving smoothly as he danced. The way his dark, floppy hair fell softly into his eyes, so he kept having to flick it back. The way those same eyes were shining- not only from the hideous lights on the floor, but with genuine enjoyment. The way that little smile quirked on his lips as he gazed down at Melissa.

“Maybe I’m not the only one who’s harbouring feelings for the same sex…” Samantha said softly into my ear. I jolted, and snapped round to look at her. She leaned back with a smug expression on her face. “You may have a gift…” She tapped the side of her head with one finger. “…but I have gaydar.”

I laughed despite myself, “Oh, God. Does that actually exist?!”

She nodded, “Yeah. But it doesn’t work if the person is trying to cover it up.”

I stared out at the floor again, “I didn’t even know I was…y’know…”

“Do you like him?”

I was flustered, “Well, it’s impossible not to like Danny… He’s my best friend.” I looked at him again, “He’s gorgeous…but so painfully straight.”

“Unless he’s trying to cover up something…” she said slowly.

*****

I couldn’t sleep that night. I just couldn’t stop thinking about what I’d worked out. Gay?! I had nothing against gays; I just never thought I was one… It didn’t help that Danny was pressed up against my back, fast asleep. I could feel his breath on my ear.

We had never seen the point of one of us sleeping on the floor when he stayed at mine. The bed was easily big enough to both of us, so why not? Danny was a really cuddly sleeper, though. I didn’t normally mind this, but with the revelation that I fancied the pants off the guy, it was a little overwhelming.

His arms were around my shoulders, as if claiming me. I took hold of his hand, smiling as he gripped it in sleep. If this was the closest I was going to get to him, I was as sure as hell going to make the most of it.

*****

Two years later

“C’mon!” Danny whined at me. “Why are you walking so slowly…? I want to get there this millennium!”

I sighed, “Dan, I don’t really want to go…”

He stopped short, worry etched all over his beautiful face, “Why? What’s wrong? Is this about that chick who wanted a threesome last week? ‘Cause I told her no, but she just wouldn’t listen. I said I was sorry!”

“It’s not because of that, Dan,” I said with a half-laugh. “It’s not because of you… I just don’t want to stand around all night while you work your way round every female in the club.”

“You’ll get girls, too!”

“Well, what if I don’t want any girls?!” I exclaimed. He looked taken aback. I took a deep breath to calm myself and forced my eyes up to look at him. My voice was little more than a whisper: “What if I’m gay, Danny?”

He blinked, and inclined his head slightly, “Are you?”

“Yes.”

“Fine, then.” He gave a loose shrug and walked off down the street. My heart sunk. Was he rejecting me? Oh, God, please don’t let him be homophobic… “We’ll go somewhere else,” he called to me.

I stared at his back in shock, “What?!”

He turned to look back at me with a grin, “What? Did you think I’d disown you or something…? Uh-uh. You can’t get rid of me that easily…” He held a hand out to me, “Come on. I know the perfect place.”

*****

He took me to a gay bar. He was- without a doubt- the best friend a guy could have. He shrugged off all male advances, focusing solely on finding someone for me- and managing to get rather drunk in the process. “I have to go pee,” he announced to me suddenly. “But when I get back, we’re finding you someone. I wondered why you never went with girls…”

His drunken ramblings made me grin, “You’re not giving up, are you?”

He shook his head happily, “Nope. We’ll find you a bloke. Who wouldn’t walk you…?” He thumbed my nose affectionately, “I’d have you, but I’ll never be good enough…”

And with that, he pressed a light kiss to my cheek and staggered away to the toilet. I scowled after him. He had to stop putting himself down. It was ridiculous… “Hey, stranger…” a voice said into my ear. It had got a lot deeper since I had last heard it, but I recognised it straight away.

“Harry!” I pulled him into a tight hug. “Oh, my God! How’ve you been?!”

He seemed to find my excitement funny. “I’ve been okay. Thinking mostly. I feel so bad for how I treated you, by the way. You and Danny.”

“We’re fine,” I assured him. “I still talk to him. So, you’re gay?”

His smile was slow and sexy, and I couldn’t help but be attracted. He had gotten very hot since I’d last seen him. “So,” he said conversationally. “You’re gay…?”

I laughed softly. “In a nutshell:” I murmured, bringing my mouth up to his. As my first kiss, it definitely lived up to expectations. It was slow, and smooth. He caressed his lips against mine before biting down gently on my lower lip as a plea for access to my mouth. I allowed him it, and our tongues clashed together sensuously. His arms curled round my waist, whilst my fingers threaded in his hair.

It was bizarre to think that my first kiss was with Harry- who had been my best friend through nursery and most of primary school. I guessed I’d always kind of hoped it would be Danny, but it was just a stupid dream.

Suddenly, Harry was pulled away from me, and every piece of contact between us was broken. My eyes shot open to see Danny there, looking furious. “Get your fucking hands off him!” he hissed at Harry.

“Danny!” I cried in shock.

Harry let out a laugh, “Jones? Well… Look how you turned out… And, for your information, he had hands on me as well.”

“I don’t care,” Danny snarled. “It’s your hands I don’t trust!”

“Danny!” I grabbed his arm and forced him round to look at me, “What the hell has gotten into you?! I initiated the kiss!”

“But-”

I shook my head, “No buts, Danny. You’ve spent the entire night claiming you’re going to find me someone! And when I do, you wreck it!”

“When I said someone, I didn’t mean him!” he shouted, pointing a finger at Harry accusingly. I suddenly realised why he was so upset. Harry had made his life a living hell for almost seven years, and he had found me kissing that same guy. God, I felt like a bastard… Eyes gleaming with a mix of rage and tears, Danny turned and ran out.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Harry, and ran after him without even waiting for a response. I caught Danny’s arm in the empty corridor. He’d had to fight his way out, while people had moved for me, knowing I was going after him. “Wait! I’m sorry! I know he made your life hell. I wasn’t thinking.”

He chuckled lightly, “That’s a lie. You think too much- that’s your problem… And it wasn’t about the fact it was him.”

“Then what was it about?” I pleaded. “Please, Danny. I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

“It was- I just- I was- I can’t- You’re-” He ran a hand through his hair, looking pained. “Oh, stuff it.” He took one step towards me, forcing me back into the wall as his mouth crushed against mine passionately.

Oh, my God. I was kissing Danny! Danny was kissing me! His kiss was a lot rougher than Harry’s- but a hell of a lot more addictive. I broke away, gasping for breath, and saw the lust clearly in his eyes when I looked into them.

“Let’s go back to mine…” I suggested in a seductive whisper, leaning forward to nibble on his lower lip.

He grinned at me, “I thought you’d never ask…”

*****

Getting in the front door proved to be slightly tricky. Danny had been kissing me the whole taxi ride home, so now he couldn’t see my face; he was taking it out on my neck, very effectively making my knees go weak and my brain turn to mush. I finally managed to steer the key into the lock, and we fell through the door.

Kicking the door shut none-too-gently behind us, he forced me into the wall with a distinct thud. I tried to stretch my arm out to deposit my keys in the bowl without breaking the kiss, but I fumbled, sending them clattering to the carpet. However, this seemed minimal at this moment in time, as Danny now seemed determined to rid me of my clothing from the waist down right here in the corridor.

“Jeez,” I muttered under my breath, breaking away from him. “Wait ‘til we get upstairs!”

He shook his head slowly, his expression serious. “You know how long I’ve been waiting for this?” he murmured, bringing up a hand to drag it slowly down the side of my face- which was a mere inch off his own. “Too long. Screw the stairs- I’ll do you right here in the hall…”

There were no words adequate to describe the great feeling of mirth I expected as he claimed my lips with his once more. He never seemed to tire of kissing me, and- if I had my way- he never would. I slid a hand up his chest and levered him back.

“No way. I’m going up to my room. Whether you should choose to follow or not is entirely your prerogative.”

Pressing one last firm kiss to his lips, I turned and jogged up the stairs. When I reached the landing, I was thankful to find it empty. After only two steps, I was ambushed from behind.

“Danny!” I hissed as he seized me round the waist, lifting me up off the ground. Setting me down, he spun me round so I was facing him. I backed up instinctively as I saw the insane lust in his eyes. I couldn’t believe he was looking at me like that. I hadn’t even known he was gay- or at least that he was attracted to guys.

I opened my bedroom door as my back knocked up against it, but not before he managed to get his lips on me again. I staggered back, pulling him with me. His hands were all over me, his eagerness showing, and he gave a loud moan into my mouth as I ground into him lightly.

Thank God my room was soundproofed.

*****

I woke the next morning to an empty bed. The heart that had previously been light in my chest turned to stone- suffocating me within an inch of my life. Had he woken up, seen me, and run? I thought furiously as I struggled to calm myself down.

I hadn’t registered at the time, but Danny had been pretty damn drunk last night. Did he not mean it? Had he made up all that stuff he’d said about wanting it for too long? Had he just been horny and also annoyed that I’d kissed Harry, and so decided to punish me like this?

Still running excuses through my head, I heaved myself out of bed with a sigh.

*****

Fully dressed, five minutes later, I went downstairs. The first thing my eyes fell on were my keys- still lying on the floor where I had dropped them.

With a smile, I bent to pick them up. I cradled them in my hand for a moment- a reminder of my night of passion with Danny- before setting them gently in the bowl.

As I approached the kitchen, I heard voices. Mum…and Danny! My whole chest lightened again. Danny was still here! “You’re always welcome, Danny. You know that,” Mum was saying as I walked to the doorway.

“Appreciate it,” Danny said groggily, a sign of how much he had had to drink last night.

I strode into the kitchen, determined not to let him see my fear, “Though not enough to get dressed before coming downstairs…”

Danny’s whole face lit up as he saw me, and all happiness returned to my heart. Then, with a charming smile, he leant on the breakfast counter and winked at Mum, “It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before.”

Mum’s eyes were twinkling merrily as she nodded- something I hadn’t seen a lot since Steph had reached her teens. She sent me a sidelong crafty grin as she took the glass off Danny. “I may have encountered legs before, yes,” she said fluidly, before turning away to wash up the glass.

The second her back was turned, Danny’s eyes flicked back to me. I’d moved closer to him during the exchange, and he sent me a wink now, before reaching out and pulling me into him. “Morning…” He tried to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head to the side.

“Tom, what’s wrong?” he asked, so softly it was almost inaudible for the gushing tap. “Have you changed your mind?”

I shook his head, taking his hands, “Are you sure about this?”

He put my hands on his hips and slung his loosely round my neck. “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life,” he said clearly into my ear. “I don’t want this to be over already… I want to be with you.”

I giggled softly before I could stop myself. It was only then that I realised the tap had been turned off, and Mum was staring at us with a weird expression marring her features. The one people- mostly females- make when they’re desperately trying to restrain from cooing at you in adoration. I wasn’t sure what Mum was meant to be finding so cute… “Something wrong, Mum?” I asked her.

“No,” she whispered gently, shaking her head. But her eyes never left us and that expression never left her face. I glanced at Danny- who was looking at me with a raised eyebrow, obviously having picked up on the same emotion in her voice that I had. I smiled back at him. “Tom,” Mum said suddenly. I looked back at her. “Did anyone else stay over last night?”

I felt a frown come onto my face as I rested my chin on Danny’s shoulder, totally leaning into his embrace. He was tracing patterns on my back with his fingertips. “No,” I told her. “Why?”

“Just wondering,” she remarked with a loose shrug. She walked out of the kitchen.

Danny moved back slightly, so I could see his face again. He was grinning, and I felt the corners of my lips turn upwards in response before I could stop them. You couldn’t help but smile when faced with that grin. “You better let me this time,” he warned, before catching my lips in a sweet, tender kiss.

“Thank you,” I murmured.

“For what?”

“For letting me live out my dream…” I told him. “And for being here the next morning.”

He smiled against the lips I pressed to his. “I’m not going anywhere… If I’m not close to you, there’s no point.”

“Mm.” I brushed his lips over his once more. “Looks like I have a boyfriend…”

It was his turn to giggle, “I like the sound of that… You do.” He cocked his head to the side, looking too cute for word. “Why don’t you make me breakfast, boyfriend?”

I laughed, and jabbed him in the chest, “Bugger off, boyfriend.”

He pouted pathetically. Oh, man. How the hell did he manage to make my heart melt like this? He had total control over me, and he didn’t even know it. If I could cook, I’d be making his breakfast already. “Fine. I’ll cook,” he told me.

I laughed again, “Dan, you can barely make toast…”

He grinned slyly, “You won’t be saying that when you taste the eggs.”

“Danny, you’ll burn the house down!”

He pulled me right into him, so our chests were touching. “You’re so rude, you know that?” he told me. His voice was low, so I knew I’d hit a nerve even although he was trying to make light of the situation.

“I’m gonna make you eat your words. When you taste these eggs, you’re gonna be so amazed that you’re gonna want to take me back upstairs and have a replay of last night.”

I leaned in so our lips were almost touching, “Is that a prediction…or a dream…?” I kissed him softly, and leaned back again, “Fine. Go on, then.” I frowned as he started towards the door, “Dan, I’m no whiz when it comes to culinary skills, but I’m pretty sure that the stove is that way.”

“I’m just getting my secret weapon,” he assured me. He leaned out the doorway. “Sheena…?” I heard him purr, and I burst out laughing.

*****

Three months later

“Oh, yes!” I crowed triumphantly. “Only five hundred away! What were you saying a minute ago, Dan? That I’d ‘never beat’ your score…?”

I didn’t have to be able to see him to know he was currently glaring a hole in my back as I took my turn on the X-Box 360. “Don’t be so confident,” he warned. “You’re not going to catch up…”

I couldn’t help the smug smile that crept onto my face, “Oh, I think I am…” My confidence was shattered and the bottom fell out my stomach as I felt him kiss the side of my neck gently.

Feeling me tense up, he came back with more gusto, biting and sucking at the sensitive skin. “That’s cheating!” I claimed in panic, trying to jerk away from him before he made me lose.

“No, it’s not,” he murmured, making my neck tingle with the vibrations. “You didn’t say I wasn’t allowed to seduce my beautiful and irresistible boyfriend while he was playing.”

“Well, I’m saying it now,” I snapped, jerking my shoulder in an attempt to dislodge him as he began to nibble seductively on my earlobe.

“I’m not listening now,” was his response. I just had to shoot one more person, I though furiously to myself. If I killed one more person, I’d have bet his score! I reeled off a machine gun round into a man, and pumped my fist happily. Danny ceased all of his activity with a loud groan of aggravation.

I paused the game and set down the controller slowly, before turning to smile sweetly at Danny. Then my hand shot out and- grabbing a fistful of his t-shirt- I pulled his mouth onto mine. The kiss was passionate- as he was evidently as riled up by his seduction as I had been.

“Sorry,” I apologised, breaking away after a moment. I shoved him back lightly and stood up with a luxurious stretch that I knew had my own t-shirt riding up a couple of centimetres. “I just had to get that out my system,” I explained, taking a seat on the bed.

He turned so I could just see the stunning blue of his eyes, peering over the top of the bed. Then he pulled himself up onto it and slowly crawled towards me, a wicked grin on his face. Reaching me, he leaned over and kissed me slowly, his arm moving round my waist to hold me against him. I brought my hand up to cup his cheek as I responded eagerly to his touch.

As our kisses became deeper, and more hurried, he lowered me down onto the bed, him in the more dominative position on top.

There was a knock on the door.

Danny broke away from me and turned to look at the door. “Just ignore it,” I whispered, reaching up and directing his face to look at me. With a smile, he lowered himself again and fixed his mouth back onto mine.

There was another knock on the door.

I groaned, breaking away from Danny again. “I don’t care if the entire house- bar this one room- has morphed into a blazing inferno,” I called loudly. Danny laughed softly and began to lace kisses up my jaw. “Go away!”

“Come on, Tom. Mum says it’s time for-” I was so focused on Danny; I didn’t notice the door had opened and someone had come in until there was a shocked gasp, “Oh, my God! You two are doing it?!”

Stephanie.

*****

I found her in her bedroom. She had promptly run off after her outburst, as both of us had turned to stare up at her. She was sitting on her bed in the foetal position. Her eyes flicked to me as I came in and closed the door, “Leave me alone.”

I turned on the light, causing her to blink furiously in an attempt to get her vision to adjust. “I’m so sorry, Steph. When you, Mum and Dad found out, it wasn’t meant to be like that. I was going to tell you all properly. That was the worst possible way.”

She shook her head, “I already had my suspicions- I just never expected to have them proven so suddenly…”

I moved over and sat down next to her on the bed, putting my arm round her comfortingly. Despite all our fights, she leaned against me. “I’m sorry…” I repeated.

“Where’s Danny?”

“I commanded him to stay in my room. I though seeing both of us just might make you implode.”

She laughed softly, “I’m fine. Just go back to Danny.” She caught my wrist as I made to stand up, “But don’t start anything. It’s tea in a moment.”

*****

Four months later

We were sitting in my room, the companionable silence only broken by the sound of my guitar as I sat in my chair trying to compose a song. Danny was sitting cross-legged on my bed, his sketchbook in his lap as he worked on another of his pictures. I loved the stuff he produced.

It was incredible. I’d fallen in love with his work the day I’d first seen it back in that classroom. Though, he was very dismissive of all compliments I paid him. He thanked me, but I don’t think he agreed. As I stopped playing to note down some chords, I sensed his eyes on me. “What?”

“Huh?”

“You keep staring at me. What are you doing?”

He flushed, “Nothing… Am I not allowed to look at you now? ‘Cause that might prove rather tricky during sex…”

I laughed softly, then my eyes widened as I realised what he was doing. “Are you drawing me?!”

“No,” he said quickly, looking like the kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

I set my guitar to the side and started towards him. “Come on… What’ve you done to me…?”

He did a neat backward roll up the bed as I pounced; hitting the space he had filled only seconds earlier. I pounced again straight away, landing on top of him.

“No, Tom!” he protested, holding the sketchbook as far away from me as possible and writhing under me to stop me from getting it.

However, by putting what was almost my full weight on various parts of his body to hold him down, I managed to seize it. “Ah-hah!” I cried happily, sitting up with my prize. I stared at the page. I stared at the page, and numb shock registered.

He had drawn me, but not as I’d expected. I wasn’t entirely sure what I had expected, but what I’d gotten was like a black and white photo.

Practically finished, it depicted me sitting with my guitar, in the throws of composing. He’d drawn a look of concentrated thought onto my face. It was incredible- the attention to detail, the tone, shape, everything! I envied him his talent, I really did.

“Danny, this is…”

He was still lying on his back in exactly the same position as before. His hand was even still suspended in mid-air.  “I know it’s not very good. I was just messing around…”

“It’s perfect,” I told him in a whisper. How could he not see that? How could he not see how truly he exposed himself through his art? All the care and hope that he’d poured into this piece- I could feel it. He sat up finally and put his arms round my waist. “Can I have it?”

I could sense him frowning, “It’s not finished.”

I heard the hidden message behind that statement. He didn’t think it was good enough. “What else d’you have to do to it?” I asked in interest, turning slightly so I could see his face.

He looked slightly flummoxed for a moment, like he hadn’t expected me to ask. “Well,” he said finally. “I’m not going to colour it in, because that would ruin the calm effect. And plus, I don’t have this colour:” He gave my hair a quick ruffle, laughing as I swatted him away.

“But I haven’t totally finished the tone on the guitar.” He ran a finger gently across the area in particular, taking care not to smudge the pencil. “For example, the fret board still looks a little too 2D.”

I nodded slowly. Now he pointed out, I could see what he meant. It wasn’t quite done yet. “Can I have it once you’re done?” I asked hopefully.

He laughed again, but it sounded a little uneasy, “Why d’you want it?”

I turned fully in his arms so I was facing him, “I want a token of how amazing, gorgeous, thoughtful, talented, observant and perfect my boyfriend is.” I leaned forward and pecked him on the lips quickly before turning back to the sketch once more.

He didn’t speak for a moment, but his embrace tightened, a sign that my praising words unsettled him, but he couldn’t help but feel pride in them. He pressed his lips gently to the nape of my neck. “Okay,” he reached forward to take the sketch book back off me in surrender. “You can have it once it’s done. Just go back to your song and let me finish it, okay?”

I gave him a happy smile as I stood up, “Okay.”

*****

The finished result was unimaginable. You had to see it to believe it. I was astounded that anyone could be able to draw that well- but Danny could. I slipped it into the envelope with the five other drawings I’d collected over the past few months. Then I slid in my neatly typed letter.

I was sending some of his work to an art college. I knew he had the skill to turn this into a career, but I also knew he was never going to pursue that career if I didn’t give him a much needed boot up the arse.

If they accepted him, he’d be ecstatic, I thought to myself as I slid in the application I’d taken the liberty of filling out for him. And if he didn’t, he’d never know anyway so there was no chance of him feeling rejected. What was there to lose?

Sealing the envelope and addressing it, I headed down the road to the post-box. I shoved it in without any hesitation. Danny deserved this chance, and I hoped to God he’d get it.

*****

Five months later

“Are you free tomorrow?” Danny asked as we walked home from the cinema. Our dates were always very casual- as neither of us really went for the big, romantic deals. We were happy as we were. Why bother?

I squeezed the hand I was holding affectionately, “I don’t think so. Why?”

“Mum’s going out for the whole night. And she said I could have one friend over. And by said, I mean she finally gave in after a week of me whining at her.” I grinned in good humour. “So I thought we could maybe rent a movie, order pizza… Y’know, just a change of scene.” He brought my hand up to his lips, and kissed it gently, his eyes on mine, “And we’d have the place all to ourselves.”

I smiled at him, love radiating out of every pore. “I’d love to.”

“You can pick the movie.”

*****

I pulled away from Danny and turned back to the movie- resting my head comfortably on his chest. He’d groaned loudly when he’d first seen what I’d chosen for us to watch, but we were watching it anyway. We kept kissing- long, sweet, perfect kisses that made my heart sing.

I glanced back up at him to see him frowning at the screen in concentration. I was overcome. He didn’t even like this kind of film, but he was trying desperately to understand what was going on amongst the explosions. I’d seen this film before, so I wasn’t bothered about watching it, but I was so pleased that he was trying for me.

He saw me looking at him and gave me an enquiring stare. I smiled up at him, before turning back to the movie. It was almost over- I could wait.

Once the film was finished, Danny leaned across to grab the remote to turn it off, then we just sat in silence for a while. I loved that we could do that. Just sit together- not talking, but just absorbing each others company.

I felt him playing with my hair, and scowled. “Stop it,” I warned.

He laughed softly, “Stop what…?”

I turned to face him, pout in place. I knew he couldn’t resist the pout. “You know full well what,” I said in a low voice.

“Aw, c’mon, Tom,” he whined in a joking manner. “Loosen up.” He ruffled my hair.

I swatted at him, and he laughed brightly. I loved those moments where he looked totally carefree- they were getting far and few between as we got older. I pressed my lips to his. He responded immediately and fairly soon we were engaged in an enthusiastic battle of the tongues. I angled my head slightly so I had better access, kissing him even deeper.

When I broke away, I just stared at him for a moment, transfixed- drinking in his gorgeous features. His big, honest blue eyes, his cute freckled nose, his kiss-swollen lips. I loved him so much, and I was going to tell him that tonight. I’d decided. He was perfect in my eyes, and I wanted him near me always.

Pressing my lips to his again gently, I stood up, before offering him a hand and pulling him upright. Keeping hold of his hand, I led him upstairs to his room. I nudged him in ahead of me, then closed the door behind us. I knew no-one else was in, but it was a habit I couldn’t shake off.

I glanced round. Danny’s room was really bare- it always had been. It would have depressed me if Danny hadn’t have been standing right behind me. Turning to face him, I smiled, letting all my emotions show.

His lips curved slowly, and- his eyes fixed on mine- he covered the space between us in one long step and covered my mouth with his. The resulting kiss was sweet, tender, and so typically Danny that it made my heart melt even further under his spell. I could sense his nerves- he was worried that he was going to displease me.

We both let the kiss come to a natural end. I sighed happily, framing his face in my hands. “I love you,” I whispered.

He completely tensed up in shock, and his eyes widened drastically. His mouth opened, like he was trying to get something out, then closed it again- much resembling a goldfish. He made a choking sound in the back of his throat. He was still staring at me with the same expression.

I felt a flush begin to creep into my cheeks. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Did he not feel the same?! He tried to talk again, but couldn’t seem to be able to get the words out. I felt humiliation boiling in my blood. Why was he staring at me like I’d done something wrong? Had I?

Emitting a strangled yelp that essentially conveyed every emotion I was feeling at that moment in time, and covering my mouth with one hand, I turned and ran out his room and down the stairs.

My cheeks felt red-hot as tears streamed down them. I heard his voice calling out to me, urgency lining the accent, but I couldn’t listen to it. I just had to get out of there!

*****

“Why are you crying?”

“Steph, just leave me alone. Please.” I pushed past her into my room but she followed me.

“Did he do this?” she demanded. “He has no fucking right to hurt you!” She looked downright furious, which was something I hadn’t expected. Maybe what people said about siblings was true- no matter how much you fought, you’d fight for each other just as much.

“He didn’t do anything,” I told her. Well, that was the truth. “Just leave me alone.”

“If he’s-”

“He hasn’t, Steph,” I said firmly, sitting down on my bed heavily. “Drop it.”

“But-”

“Go away!” I shouted at her. Her eyes narrowed, before she stormed out the room. I sobbed quietly to myself. Why couldn’t he have said he loved me, too…?

*****

Two weeks later

I got off the bus and headed home. Ever since that incident, I’d been avoiding Danny like the plague. I couldn’t believe that I’d embarrassed myself like that. I’d been stupid for thinking this was meant to go anywhere…

“Tom! Wait!”

I sighed unhappily. Yup, I’d been avoiding Danny like the plague, but he’d been seeking me out like a bloodthirsty vampire.  “Leave me alone,” I snapped, speeding up in an attempt to escape him. I sped into my house in double speed, slamming the door behind me, not intentionally, but I wasn’t in the mood to consider the foundations right now.

“Don’t slam the door,” Mum said sternly as I entered the kitchen. I shot her a dark look, heading straight for the fridge. I needed sugar, and I needed it now. I heard Mum give an annoyed sigh behind me, “Okay. What’s wrong?”

Taking a slow sip out of my can, I turned to face her, then I shrugged loosely, “Nothing.” The stare she gave me would have a serial killer confessing to every murder within seconds. Knowing I couldn’t lie again, I let out a shaky breath as I prepared myself. “It’s nothing, Mum.” I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lump this onto her. She had more important things to worry about. “I’m just a little stressed right now… Work things.”

Her eyes never left mine as she leaned back against the counter conversationally, “D’you want to talk about it?” I felt myself smiling despite my shoddy mood. You could always count on Mum to be there for you…whether you wanted the help or not.

I still couldn’t tell her- especially not now Danny had…y’know. I shook my head instead, “Nah. I wouldn’t want to bore you. Thanks, though. I’ll work it out.”

“I’m sure you will,” she said with a smile. “Just…remember I’m here, okay?”

I smiled back at her- properly this time. I walked over to her, and set my can down on the counter. “Mum…?” I said softly, a condescending hint in my voice. I took her hand in mine soothingly, “You’re not easily forgotten…”

Her jaw dropped spectacularly, making me burst out laughing. She swatted at me, “Get out of here, you brat!” I saluted, grabbed my can again and walked out the kitchen. There was something about Mum that always made me feel better.

I smacked into something solid, treading on their foot, and some of my lemonade sloshed out of the can and onto my sister. Needless to say, she was not impressed. “Hey! Watch where you’re going, you moron!”

A defined sneer formed on my face as I stared at her. We’d been fighting a lot more recently, and I kept starting it ‘cause it helped me to forget about Danny. “Aw… I’m sorry… Did I ruin your pedicure…?”

She glared at me, her hands balling into fists by her sides. “I’ll be ruining my manicure as well if you don’t get the hell out of my way!” she snapped.

I laughed softly and held up my index finger, “Or- here’s a novel idea- you could just walk round me…” I made a walking motion with the aloft finger and another.

Her eyes flashed, and a smile curled on her lips. “Here’s another idea…” she said with faux sweetness, batting her eyelashes at me. Oh, God. “Go make up with Danny. Then maybe you’ll stop being such a bastard!”

My heart gave a thump, but I didn’t let her see any change in my composure. I tilted my head to the side, and studied her intently in a manner I knew would make her uncomfortable. “Maybe. But it won’t stop you being a bitch.”

Once again, her smile was slow and cruel as she leaned in towards me, “At least I still have my best friend…” I stared at her venomously, before pushing past her and running up the stairs. I slammed into my room, but didn’t go as far as to slam the door as well. I still had some degree of self control, and slamming the door wasn’t going to do anything.

Putting on the first loud CD that came to hand, I fell onto my bed and cried bitterly into my hands, letting out my angst, oddly soothed by the sound of Arch Enemy.

*****

When you cry non-stop for too long, you get thirsty, was my discovery. I needed water. Turning off my music, I went downstairs. I paused as I scented brownies. Danny had said that he was going to make brownies himself for Steph’s bake sale. We’d made them once when we were in a silly mood. Well, I’d tried to, but he’d had to do it in the end. Turns out, he could make amazing brownies.

Did this mean Danny was over? I was too thirsty to worry about that. I’d finished my can of juice, and fizzy things didn’t help with dehydration anyway.

I could hear Mum laughing as I reached the kitchen. She’d always liked Danny. As soon as he had bounded down those stairs fourteen years ago, she’d loved him like a second son- something he was endlessly grateful for, and baffled by. I knew that even if I cut Danny out of my life completely, she wouldn’t. And I wouldn’t make her.

I stood in the doorway to see Danny doing a cute little mime of a whisk as Mum laughed at him. He was grinning- he always did around Mum. She was one of the few people I think he wasn’t afraid of in the slightest. He still seemed to fear even me sometimes. I hated how he let his fear consume him.

As if he sensed I was there, he looked up and saw me. His smile disappeared as he stared at me. “I have to talk to you,” he said immediately. “Sorry, Sheena,” he added to Mum. Her eyes were on me as well as she made a careless gesture that meant he had nothing to apologise for.

I moved into the kitchen, my eyes on Danny. Why did he have to be so gorgeous? Why couldn’t he be ugly?! That would make this so much easier… There was a slight bruise under his left eye. It was healing, and you wouldn’t know it was there if you weren’t looking for it, but the sight of it made my blood boil.

The side of his lip was darker than the rest as that also healed. I was emotionally hurt, but he was physically hurt as well. “Tough,” I said, trying not to show any emotion. “‘Cause right now I don’t want to talk to you.”

Sadness flickered in his eyes, before he covered it- just like he did with all his emotions that might make him appear weak, “But we have to-”

I stalked closer to him, “There’s nothing to talk about, Danny.” It’s over, I added mentally. “Get out of here.”

With a defiant look on his face, he sat down on the stool just behind him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

I leaned on the counter, staring him down. “Mum? Give us a minute?” I sensed Mum nodding, and she moved out past me. I heard her footsteps stop, and assumed she’d gone into the living room.

“Why the hell have you been avoiding me?” Danny asked immediately, shoving the plate of brownies away from him roughly, like the smell was making him feel sick.

A laugh escaped my lips as I walked over to the cupboard to get a glass. I filled it up with tap water, “Why?” I spun back to face him, “Danny, I bared my soul to you. I offered you all of me, and d’you know what you did…?” I moved across the kitchen again, and leaned on the counter opposite him, “You stared at me like I was fucking insane. D’you know what that felt like?”

His jaw dropped, “What? I didn’t-”

“Well, you definitely didn’t look happy about it!” I spat. I took a furious gulp of my water to wet my dry throat. I had to get this out before I cracked. He had to know how hurt I was. “Was this all a game to you? Was it never meant to get serious?” I slammed the glass down on the counter, making him jump, “Was I never meant to take it seriously?!”

“Tom, I-”

I cut across him again. “Don’t try to justify it!” I didn’t want him to convince me to forgive him before I got an explanation. Was I so bloody unlovable that he still didn’t after over a year of us being together? I moved round the counter towards him, “I gave you everything that night! I lost my bloody virginity to you!” I stood in front of him now, not bothering to hold anything back, “I love you! I still love you! I wish I didn’t…”

He stood up, so quickly his chair scraped back across the floor, causing me to wince. God, I hated that sound… And then he was on top of me. His lips crashed against mine as he forced me back into the breakfast counter, trapping me with his kiss. Unable to restrain myself, I threaded my hands in his hair, needing to feel him close to me.

I’d missed this. The passion, the intimacy, the full-on sense of ecstasy that came from being with him. His tongue fought with mine ferociously, but his hands never left where they were braced on the countertop. He pulled back suddenly, leaving me yearning for more.

“Don’t you dare say that! Don’t you dare!” he shouted in my face. There was pure fury in his eyes like I’d never seen before. I wanted to shrink away, but I was still trapped against the counter. “It was a shock, okay?” he continued, backing me up even further so it dug painfully into my back. “And you claim I didn’t respond, but consider this: Did you give me time before you stormed off?”

His snarling voice had become more of a hiss, and all I could do was gape at him soundlessly. “Danny!” I gasped.

In one motion he pushed away from the counter, away from me. He studied me, hurt filling his eyes and darkening the blue. He shook his head, “Just forget it.” And with that, he stalked to the door, pulled it open, and left.

My eyes still on the spot where he had been, I let out a small sob. Why was I such a bastard? Why couldn’t I have waited? Why couldn’t I have accepted that he wasn’t ready? So many whys flooded through my mind, but it was too late now.

There was movement by the door and I turned to look. Mum crossed the room in two long strides, not even seeming to stop to think. “Come here,” she said softly. She put her arms round me, and I clung to her like an infant as my body began to shake with the violent tears that were now making a steady stream down my face.

*****

“I’ve ruined it, Mum,” I said hoarsely. “There’s no going back now….” I’d cried non-stop for about two hours, and now my eyes ached, my throat felt raw, and my heart felt like it was slowly dying.

There was a frown on her face as he sipped her tea. I was surprised it hadn’t gone cold. I bet it had, but she was continuing to drink it so she’d look calm, composed and all-knowing. “There’s always a way round problems like this,” she said thoughtfully. “You didn’t mess it all up…”

“Haven’t you been listening to a word I’ve said?!” I exclaimed. “There isn’t one aspect I didn’t fuck up! Danny didn’t do anything wrong!”

“It might help if you told me what actually happened…” she suggested, her eyes on mine. This was something I hadn’t told her yet. I’d opened up about the relationship, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the details of that night.

I shook my head, “I don’t want to…” I looked down at my hands, “I don’t want to relive it, Mum… Don’t make me…”

She set down her cup and pulled me into her again, “Hey… Don’t start crying… We’ve had too many tears shed already…” She stroked my hair lightly, and I nudged her off out of habit- making her chuckle, before she became serious again. “I think you should talk to Danny.”

“I can’t…”

She brushed my hair out of my eyes so she could see my face properly, “Do you not want to forgive him?”

“I do. More than anything.” I sighed, “But he won’t want to forgive me, will he?”

“You’d be a fool not to see that Danny would so anything for you, Tom,” she said with a smile. “And I don’t raise fools.”

There was something in the tone of her voice that had me on edge, “You’re not going to talk to him, are you?!”

Her smile didn’t falter for a second, “Of course not… It’s none of my concern…” She stood up, “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to make sure Stephanie actually went to bed.”

“Okay,” I whispered. She left the room. It had helped to let everything out, no doubt. But it still didn’t change anything. I could try all I wanted, but Danny wasn’t going to just forgive me for being such a stubborn bastard over nothing. I had treated him like shit.

Mum didn’t seem to have a reaction to the ‘gay son’ admission. She just took it in her stride. And I didn’t even have to tell her that I was dating Danny. She seemed pretty casual about the whole thing, and was just trying to help. I seriously hoped to God she didn’t get it in her head to speak to Danny. That was the kind of thing she would do…

Hearing footsteps on the stairs, I leaned forward and touched a finger to the side of her cup in a small test. I couldn’t help but smile. Stone cold. I knew it…

*****

Opening the front door, I let myself into the house and closed it behind me. I could hear a faint noise from the kitchen. “I’m home!” There was a shuffling coming from the same direction, so I headed towards it.

I don’t know if you’ve ever walked into your kitchen to find your mother with her head practically submerged underwater in the sink- but you would find it weird, right? For me, it was a sign that she had done something.

It was like the time she had told Steph that I’d thrown up in school when I’d asked her not to, and I’d gotten home to find her rubbing sunflower oil into the kitchen cabinets, claiming it freshened the wood. Honestly, she’d do anything to avoid confrontation- especially with me.

I moved up behind her with a frown, “Mum. Are you okay?”

She visibly jolted, and pulled her head back a fraction. “Yes,” she said in a voice that was sunnier than a spring meadow- and not her in the slightest. “I’m just washing my face.”

Yup. Something was up, I decided. What was going on? I laid a hand on her back. “In the kitchen sink?” I asked softly.

“It was the closest one.” I moved back slightly as she straightened up, so we didn’t collide. She grabbed the roll of kitchen towel and tore off a piece, using it to dab her face dry. She said something else to me, but I wasn’t listening. I was too busy staring at her eyes. They were red-rimmed, puffy and looked a little sore. She’d been crying. But why? I had to be subtle about this…

“Why have you been crying?” Damn it. I hadn’t meant to say it, or sound so sharp.

Panic flickered in her eyes, “I haven’t.”

I knew she was going to say that. I bit back a groan, “Mum, you still have tears in your eyes. Why are you crying?”

She turned away quickly, scrubbing at her eyes, “It’s nothing.” I was worried. Mum wasn’t the crying sort.

“If something’s upsetting you, just tell me,” I begged.

She turned back to face me, regarded me for a moment. “Nothing’s upsetting me, Tom. I’m just…letting some things out.” She was lying to me, I could tell. And that worried me more than anything.

I put my hands on her shoulders and stared right into her eyes. I was getting this out of her. “Letting what out?” She looked uncomfortable, and opened her mouth slowly. There was a knock on the screen door. I didn’t even look at it, but yelled: “Bugger off! We’re talking!”

Mum laughed and gave me a light slap on the shoulder in punishment for my ill-manners, “Tom, don’t be so rude.” She moved towards the door, an expectant look on her face, “Is that you?”

I was confused, “Who?” Mum caught the door as Danny pushed it open lightly. I stiffened. Oh, man. “What’s going on?”

“Danny has something to say to you,” Mum said. She forced Danny forward and shut the door. I knew she’d done something! I knew it!

“There’s nothing to say!” I claimed, aiming the statement at both of them.

Danny had moved far enough into the kitchen to be able to grab my shoulder before I could walk out. He gave me a pleading look: “Tom… If I never get another chance to say this, let me say it now.”

I stared into the blue of his eyes, and couldn’t deny him this, but I shifted so his hand fell away. “Fine. Talk.”

He nodded, took a deep breath, and began: “I know you hate me right now, and I don’t blame you. But the fact of the matter is that no matter how much you loathe me, how much you want to kill me right now, I love you.” My heart gave a thump. “For five years, I have been in love with you- so sure that you would never feel the same.”

I felt like I was about to cry. He thought I hated him… Why? And he couldn’t love me… Not anymore… I took a shaky step back, “No, Danny… Don’t…”

“I fucked up. Typical Danny,” he said with a light laugh, inclining his head slightly. “I couldn’t say it when you did, Tom. ‘Cause I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.” I opened my mouth to disagree, but he threw up his hands, “This whole mess is proof of that! I’m not worthy of your love, ‘cause I’m nowhere near as perfect as you are.”

My head was abuzz. Why did he still believe this about himself? I’d tried to talk him out of his lack of self-esteem, but it was stuck. “Danny,” Mum said in a testing tone, just as I was about to comment, but he shook his head, making us both shut up.

“I’m not smart. I don’t have a good job. I don’t have a bright future ahead of me. I don’t have a supportive, loving family behind me. All I have is what you see here- and clearly that disgusts you right now.”

It didn’t disgust me in the slightest. I had tried to talk myself out of it, but I was still in love with him. More so than ever. Could he not see how much artistic talent he had? He had a future, if he would only pursue it! “Dan-” I began.

“I love you, though, Tom,” he whispered, taking hold of my hands. His eyes were shining. “And, by some fluke, you love me. But we’re not going to work. I always knew that. Look at us. Look at how different we are. You need someone who can challenge you, and I can’t do that.” He let go of my hands promptly, and moved away.

I stared after him in shock. “You’re walking away? You can’t tell me that and just walk off!”

Danny turned back to me, and I could tell he was fighting back tears, “I’m sorry, Tom. I’m stepping away. From you. For you.” No! He couldn’t be! No way! He didn’t break composure, though, “You may wish you didn’t love me…but I don’t regret one second of the five years I’ve loved you.” Giving Mum a weak smile of thanks, he left.

I watched him go, my heart slowly shattering into a thousand pieces. I couldn’t believe that I’d lost him. It was the worst possible outcome… “What are you doing?” Mum asked in disbelief.

I snapped round to look at her, “What?”

“Go after him,” she said firmly. I stared at her blankly, then I realised what she wanted me to do. I couldn’t let Danny go. I nodded eagerly, and ran out the door and up the garden to Danny, who was heading towards the door in the fence. I grabbed his arm firmly, halting him and pulling him round to face me.

“I’ll decide whether or not you’re worthy,” I murmured, pressing my lips to his. He pulled me against him; his mouth plundering mine as he kissed me like this was his last chance. Never again was I going to let him away. Even if he got sick of me, he was stuck with me. Completely and utterly.

“I love you,” he whispered. I smiled at him, leaning in and rubbing my nose off his affectionately.

“I love you, too.” I brushed my lips over his again. “I’m never leaving you again.”

“You never left me…” he told me. “You wouldn’t let me leave you…”

“I couldn’t.”

He kissed me again softly, “Mm. Though, you should probably know that I’m in love with your mother as well…”

I sighed, “Expected. Just admire, don’t touch.” I tilted my head back in consideration, and smiled as he kissed my neck softly. I giggled, “You’re all mine…”

THE END