I felt like the life was slowly being sucked out of me.

I hated Primark. It was always so full of people bustling around that you were bloody sweltering, and my friends always insisted on spending over two hours in the damn place. On top of that, they always turned me into some sort of boyfriend figure- making me carry their bags while they tried on shoes and browsed the jewellery.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my friends. It’s just that by the end of one of their Primark expeditions, I’d always turned into some sort of unfocused zombie- just following them and not even paying attention to where I was going.

And then, just when they’d announce that they were done, and get my hopes up, they’d spot something else that they ‘simply had to try on’, and all my hopes would sharply plummet again.

I hated Primark with every inch of my soul.

“Cheer up, Dougie,” Vanessa said brightly, falling ungainly onto the bench next to me with yet another pair of shoes. “We’ll be finished soon, I promise.”

“That’s what you said an hour ago…” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“And this time I mean it!” she enthused; ruffling my hair and making me scowl.

“Whatever.”

She giggled, “What? Is our little happy shopper fed up…? I thought you gays lived for this sort of thing…”

I narrowed my eyes at her dangerously, “Don’t stereotype, Nessa.”

She rolled her eyes in response, “Don’t be so moody, then.” She stood up, spun in a circle, “Well? What d’you think of the boots?”

I ran an eye over them, grunted, “Not your colour.”

“What?!” She huffed, obviously displeased with my answer, and marched off to examine them in the full length mirror across the aisle. I snorted to myself- why ask my opinion when all I was going to be was honest? She knew she didn’t like my honesty, and yet she still did it.

“Well, I’m sorry, Danny. But you agreed to come shopping with us. You should have anticipated this.”

“But Siobhan said I could go away and meet you again later!” a male voice, heavily Northern accented, protested, and I looked over to see a guy, with his back to me, leaning over a rack towards an amused looking blonde. Nice arse, I couldn’t help but note.

“Siobhan lied to get you here!” the blond remarked with a snort of distain. “Why would we let you do that…?”

“Y’know, I haven’t the slightest…”

She giggled, patting him on the cheek, “I’ll be right back.  Content yourself with shoes.”

“I don’t think they have my size…” he quipped dryly as she made to walk off. She chuckled, then her eyes fixed on me as she walked past him.

“Men,” she commented airily.

I gave her a charming smile, “Tell me about it…” She gave a sunny laugh, and continued on her way. I watched her walk off with a grin.

“Okay. Fine. You win,” Vanessa said, and I turned to face her again where she had reappeared. She was holding up two pairs of boots for my approval, “Which colour’s more me?”

I studied them silently for a moment, “Either would work. Beige is more unique, but black goes with almost anything. Take your pick.” Then I frowned, “Although…”

“Or I could just get both…” she mused, cutting me off.

“Or you could get neither,” I suggested, standing up.

“Not an option, Dougie.”

I sighed, and spun sharply, grabbing both pairs of boots out her hands, “Come on, Nessa. You need another pair of boots like you need a hole in the head. I bet you have pairs that you’ve never even worn before.”

She pouted cutely, “I wore them in the shop…”

“My point exactly. Do some good with them. Donate them to a charity shop. Don’t waste them.” I gave her the shoes back, “And don’t buy those boots.”

She frowned, “Why? Because I don’t need them…?”

“No.” I ignored her snide tone, and went in for the kill: “Because the cut’s all wrong, and they make your thighs look a little bit chunky.”

I chuckled to myself, shaking my head as she made a noise of disgust and stormed off across the store. I looked up to see the guy from a few minutes ago- Danny- looking at me. Now he was facing me, I could see him properly, and it wasn’t all bad… His face was freckled and high cheek-boned, with shining blue eyes and floppy dark brown hair that fell into them softly. He was tall, and well built. He grinned, flashing a set of perfect white teeth and just completing his entire appearance. … Wow. It wasn’t just his arse that was appealing. “That was a low blow,” he remarked.

I flexed my fingers in front of me in a manner that made him laugh, “Low blow or not, it felt great. Besides, she can take it. Her ego’s big enough to cushion her. She’ll probably get the boots now just to spite me… No, she wouldn’t. She knows I know what I’m talking about…”

“How do you know so much about shoes?”

“This isn’t my first time in Primark.” I grinned as I saw Melanie wind her way through the racks towards me, “Ah… Here she is. My light, my sun, my rock.”

“Nessa wants to kill you,” she said bluntly.

“In which case, you are still all of that. As my light, you can blind her, giving me time to hide and/or escape. As my sun, you can burn her to deter her, or give her stroke so that she forgets her purpose. And as my rock… I can hide behind you if she comes.”

Melanie laughed, “You’re nuts, Dougie. I have a message from her.”

“Okay. What is it?”

She hesitated, then cupped my face in her hands affectionately, “You’re too cute to slap. She’s pissed off because you said she had chunky thighs.”

My jaw dropped, “I never did! That liar! I just told her that the boots- which she’s probably still clutching like a teddy bear- would make her thighs look chunky.”

“She says she didn’t even try them on.”

“I saw her in the white ones.”

“And you didn’t think to comment on the cut then?”

“Colour first. That white was awful.”

Melanie rolled her eyes in accordance, “I don’t know why she cares. They’re ugly boots. She’s just too proud to admit it now you’ve shot them down.”

“Your twin’s a bit self-obsessed.” I cupped her face as she had mine, “Now, go, mon petit sage, and tell my work to your sister.”

“Oui, ma belle lapin,” she responded with a giggle, before going to find Vanessa.

Danny was frowning when I turned back, “Did she just call you a rabbit?”

“Long story,” was all I said. “We’ve known each other long enough that pet-names are acceptable.” I sat down on the bench by the shoes, “So… Are you a first timer?”

He took a seat next to me, “Yup. Losing my Primark virginity…  I must be insane… My excuse: I didn’t know better and naïvely trusted girls when anyone sensible knows that they’re the most cunning creatures on this earth. What’s yours?”

“I was bribed,” I stated. “I’m always bribed.”

“With what?” he asked in interest.

“Twenty pound.” I grinned as his jaw dropped, “Take into account that that’s about once every two-three months, and you’ve got yourself a nice little earner.”

“That’s so unfair…” he whined. “I get nothing for my pain.”

“Well, now you know for next time.”

“Doug?” Melanie appeared in front of me, holding up two t-shirts for my approval. I frowned thoughtfully.

“Discard the blue. It would dull your eyes, and they’re so gorgeous that we don’t want that. Try the pink on in a fitting room to confirm, but if you like it then you have my blessing.”

“Right. Thanks.” She bustled off. Danny laughed in good humour.

“What are you? Their style guru?”

I shrugged, “I had to get one stereotypically ‘gay’ feature, didn’t I? I have an eye for clothes. Don’t really give a damn about them, myself. But the twins like to utilise my talent…” I rolled my eyes, “I more than earn my twenty.”

He looked thoughtful, “I don’t have a feature…”

I smiled at him. Gay. I knew it! No straight man would dare whine at a beautiful blonde over a shoe rack unless he was desperate. Everyone knew that women hated whiny men. And he hadn’t missed a beat after my sly confession. “I bet you do.”

He laughed, “Well, why don’t I give you my number, and sometime we can ditch the shoppers and you can help me find it…?”

I grinned, “You do fast work… I’m impressed enough that I’m going to take you up on that…” I pulled my phone out, and he did as well as we exchanged numbers.

“Dougie,” Vanessa said charmingly, coming up to me. She’d seen sense about the boots, I could tell. “Mel’s in the queue. Once she’s paid, we’re going.”

I nodded, standing up, “Fine with me. Maybe now we can go somewhere decent…?”

“Aren’t you getting anything?”

I plucked my phone back off of Danny’s outstretched palm, gave him a stunning grin. I nodded as his lips formed the words ‘call me’, and followed Vanessa out of the shoe section. “No,” I told her as I slipped my phone back into my pocket. “I’ve already gotten what I want…”