There were times in my life

I was down on my knees, now it’s over

Deep inside my heart, I know

“Hey.” Tom hit me on the back playfully as he joined me by my open locker door. He leant in the row next to mine. “What are you doing after school?”

I sighed, sparing him a glance filled with pain, “Orthodontist.”

His face lit up, “Is it the big day?”

“Don’t call it that,” I ordered him, closing my locker stubbornly. “This is the day where I have to suffer someone scraping glue off my teeth for an hour.”

He gave a laboured groan, “You’re such a pessimist! I was going to suggest a film at mine, but this is much more interesting.”

I grinned at his childish excitement, my lips stretching over the metal train-tracks on my teeth. “You’re such a freak.”

He grinned back at me, showing his own straight teeth, “Dougie, I had mine taken off, and it was fine.”

“You complained that it was agony.”

“No, I didn’t.”

I cocked my head to the side challengingly, “I believe your exact words were: ‘That was the single most painful experience of my life. I was tempted to bite her so the torture would end.’”

He scowled at me, “Nobody likes a smart arse.”

“Then that would be why no-one likes you,” a voice drawled, and we both turned to see that Harry Judd had arrived. He was one of the most popular guys in the school, and a complete jerk with it. He was a sportsman, on the rugby and cricket team.

“If you’re one of those people, I’m comforted rather than insulted,” Tom assured him. We both hated that I had somehow ended up with a locker next to his.

Harry shook his head pitifully, “Content yourself how you will, geek. Take your mute friend and get out of here.”

“Anything to get out of the current company,” was the cool response before we walked off.

“Did he just call me a mute?”

Tom laughed at the wonder in my voice, “Well, you’re not especially outspoken.”

I studied him for a moment. He was always called a geek, and- from his appearance- I could vaguely see why. He was tall, with an average build. His hair was blond- floppy and unstyled, and his brown eyes were warm behind the thick frames of his glasses. His uniform was neat, with proper trousers and his tie tied properly.

But I knew Tom. And he was intelligent, but he didn’t put in half as much work as everyone seemed to think he did. There were things that he much preferred to do, such as go out to gigs and comedy shows, and hang around with his friends.

“I’ll speak when there’s something to say.” I cast a glance over my shoulder, “To that lot, at least.”

As we left the school, I pulled off my tie and undid the top two buttons. As I tucked my tie into my pocket, Tom smiled at me again, “So what time’s the appointment?”

“Ten past five.”

“I can’t picture you without the metal mouth.” He cocked his head like he was trying to picture it.

“Me, neither,” I admitted.

“I can’t wait to see it!”

I rolled my eyes, “That makes one of us. Personally, I’m just going to be relieved once I’m out of there.”

“You have to promise to call me once you are.”

The look I gave him was filled with distain and pity, “To say what? ‘They’re off. ‘Bye!’”

He elbowed me, “Just do it.”

Simply put: I’ve been stabbed in the back

Ever since I remember

Deep inside it hurts to get go, whoa

I ignored the whispers as I walked into school the next morning. I had decided to vary my uniform today. I was wearing black jeans with my black Converse, and I was wearing a black t-shirt underneath my shirt. The top couple of buttons were open, and my tie was looser than was usual. But, it was all still within school rules.

Tom was standing by my locker, waiting for me. He grinned as he saw me. “I see you finally did your hair.” He cocked his head to the side, “Was it your treat for living through the orthodontist?”

I nodded, my new blond fringe swishing in my eyes. Tom rolled his own eyes as I opened my locker, “Come on… Show me…” I shook my head, shoving my bag inside, then fished out a couple of pens to stick in my pocket. I had English first, and we kept our stuff in the classroom. “Not gotten used to it?” he teased. I shook my head again.

He moved even closer in a conspiratory manner, “I see you’re wearing a different uniform.”

“I thought it would match the new hair,” I told him, speaking into the locker so he couldn’t see my teeth. They looked so weird now…

“As long as you have a decent band on under there,” he remarked flippantly.

I laughed before I could stop myself, showing him my teeth. He grinned back at me. “I was in a System of a Down mood this morning…”

He rolled his eyes, “When aren’t you? And they look great. Did it hurt?”

I shrugged as I closed my locker again, “Not so much. But I got your urge to bite. It was kind of…tickly.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Come on. We’re due in Registration.”

I nodded, turning to walk in the direction of our registration class. But I smacked into someone. I swallowed as I found myself staring straight at Harry Judd. “Sorry,” I apologised, hoping it would be too early in the morning for him to develop some sort of smart-arse response.

But he just stared back at me, taking me in for a moment. In turn, I found myself sucked in by how blue his eyes were. Yes, I had always known that he was attractive, but I suppose I had never been this close to him.

I cleared my throat nervously, taking a step back away from him. He seemed to snap out of his stupor, and shook his head, “Don’t worry. It’s fine.”

I gave him a grateful smile as he moved on past, then it faded almost immediately to be replaced with a confused frown once he could no longer see my face. “What just happened there?” I murmured as we walked off.

“Harry Judd jut let you away with walking into him,” Tom confirmed, awe lining his voice. “No insults, no sly jibes. Nothing.”

That’s what I’d thought, but the notion seemed impossible. There was no way that would happen. “Maybe he’s tired,” I suggested weakly.

“Maybe he thought you were someone else,” he suggested. “I mean, you do look different today…especially to those who don’t know you…”

As I thought, my tongue pushed against the stud in the side of my lip, making it stick out. I had swapped it for the clear plastic retainer I normally wore in the piercing when I was in school. “I have no idea.”

As we moved into Registration, we headed towards out seats at the back of the classroom. Tom and I walked on either side of a row of desks in order to reach ours faster. However, half way up, I walked into someone else. It just wasn’t my day…

The girl smiled at me. “Oh, sorry, Dougie…” She all but purred it, and I just shrugged and carried onto my seat. What the hell was going on here? She wouldn’t normally waste her breath in apologising to me at all, let alone in such a flirtatious manner. And since when did she know my name?

“This just gets weirder and weirder,” I muttered to Tom as I sat next to him.

“What?”

“She just flirted with me.”

His eyes widened, “Seriously?”

“It was barely there, but it was there,” I confirmed. “Have we just stepped into some alternative universe where the smart; quiet guy is somewhat respected?”

“Maybe it’s the new look.”

I turned my head to look at him, “It never happens that fast.” I pushed out my lip stud again, “Besides, no-one’s that shallow. Isn’t it normally the case that no matter how much you change, you’re still exactly how they always saw you?”

“There are always exceptions.”

I’m back in the picture

Back in the picture

I wonder what took so long

So long

“No, no, no,” Tom argued as we sat in the park at lunchtime a week or so later. There were six of us crammed onto one picnic bench. “We need to go up earlier if we want to catch them going in!”

“But they’re in Manchester the night before,” Matt reminded him. “You need to give them travel time.”

“Maybe they’ll travel overnight,” Chris interjected. I rolled my eyes at the whole conversation. We were going to a concert at the weekend, and they were trying to work out how early they would have to be there in order to meet the band.

Jess swallowed a bite of her sandwich, “Why don’t we just send Tom in and get him to give us a call if he sees a bus?” She grinned as Tom shot her a scathing look in response, “Well, you’re the one who wants to go up early.”

I laughed as I stood up to take my rubbish over to the bin. Steve gave me a sweet smile from the other end of the table, and I held out my hand for him to press a sweet wrapper into it. “Thanks.”

As I walked towards the bin that was a few metres away, their debate carried on. But, as I neared the bin, I caught another discussion. “Have you seen him, though? He looks totally different.”

I recognised the bold Bolton accent as that of Danny Jones, one of Harry Judd’s best friends. There was a laugh, “Have you seen Harry? He’s suddenly even more obsessed!” That was Dave Williams, another one of that lot.

“Yeah, but I was shocked as well,” Danny defended. “I mean, Dougie Poynter goes away for one night and suddenly he’s…”

I stiffened at the mention of my name. So maybe the change had been noticed. I reached the bin, and tossed the stuff in, just to look up as Harry Judd did the same.

I stared at him over the bin, suddenly suspicious after what his friends had just said. What had they meant by ‘obsessed’…? He smiled at me, but I just watched him coolly in response. Then I turned to head back to the table.

“Hey, Doug,” Jess called over to me. I paused, giving her a questioning look. She held up an empty juice bottle. “Since you’re over there…” A grin stretched across her face as I held out a hand, and she lobbed it towards me. I snatched it out of the air easily and spun back, sending it in a graceful arch right into the bin that Harry Judd was still standing by. Then I finally offered him a condescending smile before returning to my table, where the debate was still raging strong.

“We have to bear in mind the venue,” Matt was saying. “Could we meet them afterwards? And would we be more likely to do so?”

Tom shook his head, “Before’s better. They’re more willing to talk.”

“Or sound check,” Chris contributed. “Depends on when they get here. And the forecast looks crap. I don’t want to have to stand in rain all day.”

“But wouldn’t it be worth it to meet them?” Tom pressed.

“Arrange it and we’ll see.”

Jess’ eyes were amused as she turned to me. “Am I the only one who thinks this debate is pointless?” she said in a low voice, so only I could hear her over the testosterone flying all over the table.

“No. I’m with you,” I told her.

She nodded, “I thought that might be why you were talking even less than your usual five sentences.” I gave her a quick grin in response, then I glanced at my watch.

“It’s one.”

“Right,” she clapped her hands and stood up. “You gentlemen will have to postpone this highly entertaining discussion until later. We need to head back to school.”

“God forbid that Tom should mess up his record of ‘no lates in the whole of high school’,” Matt muttered darkly, standing as well. I slung my bag over my shoulder, and collected all the rubbish to go and put it in the bin. As I was doing so, there was a hand on my arm.

“Can I talk to you?”

I turned my head to look into those shocking blue eyes again. He looked nervous, I noted, and wondered why that was so. I studied him for a moment, then turned my head. “I’ll catch up,” I called to Tom. He nodded to show that he had heard, but his eyes were wary.

I allowed Harry to lead me over to the side, by the bushes. “Look,” he began. “I know you don’t like me…”

My eyes narrowed, “And how’d you figure that?”

“And you have full right,” he continued. “I’ve been…”

“A jerk ever since Tom and I arrived in the building,” I finished effortlessly. He flushed red.

“I know, but…”

I cocked my head to the side, “You’re shallow enough that now I’ve ditched the braces and the strict uniform policy, you think I might be worth bothering with.” My words came out as a sneer, but the way he hung his head told me that I was right.

“Not completely,” he mumbled.

“Well, I’m not going to forget how you were treating us. Only last week degrading us.” My lips curved as I remembered what he’d said, “The ‘mute’ isn’t so mute, is he?”

“Dougie, I-”

“No,” I said simply. “Just leave me alone.”

Back in the picture

Back in the picture

I wonder what took so long

So long, so long

I was sitting in English a week later when a note was dropped on my desk. I glanced across the classroom to where Harry Judd was pretending to work. He’d passed a note over three other desks to me! I picked it up, and opened it slowly.

‘How are you?’

Rolling my eyes, I scrunched the note up into a ball and dropped it onto my desk. Almost immediately, the girl next to me leant over and put another one down on my desk. He had to have written it in advance… I opened it to read:

‘I might have given up the first ten times you did that, but that’s not happening this time.’

I just scrunched it up again, fully aware that his eyes were on me this time. I got back to answering the questions that were written up on the board. It wasn’t long before a third note arrived.

‘Okay, new tactic: I’m just going to be supremely annoying until you talk to me.’

This one joined the other two, scrunched into a little ball on my desk. Again, it was only a few minutes before another one fell onto my desk.

‘I can be very annoying.’

Well, I could vouch for that… As I scrunched up the final note, I got the sense that I was being watched by someone new, and I looked up into the disapproving eyes of my English teacher. “Passing notes, Mr. Poynter?” he asked.

I shook my head, “No, sir. I keep getting them passed to me, but I haven’t replied.”

“Do you know who’s sending them?” he asked, picking up the one on top.

“No,” I told him innocently. “I don’t recognise the handwriting.”

He unscrunched the note and studied the handwriting. Realisation came into his face, as I’d hoped it would. “Is this the handwriting that’s on all of the notes?” he asked me sternly.

“Yes, sir.”

He nodded, gathering up all the notes and walking back to his desk. Just then, the bell rang, and we packed up our things. “Harry, stay behind,” the teacher called.

I gave his scowl a pitying look as I left the classroom.

As I wandered down the corridor, I felt a kind of sick satisfaction. I had managed to get Harry Judd off my back without even directly incriminating him. And I was perfectly proud of myself for it. I smiled to myself as I opened my locker.

“Hey, Dougie.”

I looked up as the voice sounded by my shoulder, stared into the bright green feline eyes of Gaia Sanchez. The girl who had gone out with and dumped Danny Jones. She had never paid heed to me before. “Hey,” I said easily, before looking back at my locker.

“How are you?” she asked slowly, reaching out a hand to stroke my arm coyly.

I shrugged, shoving in my English textbook, “Fine.”

“Good to know.” As I glanced up at her, her smile was charming. If she was flirting with me, then she was well out of luck. I wasn’t getting involved in the past affairs of Danny Jones. I liked my face the way it was. “So, are you going to the formal next week?”

I gave her an incredulous look, “No.”

She gave a pretty little pout, “Why not?”

“He’s going. Just not with you,” a new voice cut in. My head jerked round. Bloody hell! It was Emilie Ryan. I was being flanked by two of the most sought after girls in our year!

“Excuse me?” I managed.

“It’s girls choice, and I choose you,” Emilie informed me, like I had no say in the matter myself.

Gaia looked livid, “I was here first!”

“Well, you were too slow, weren’t you?” Emilie said cattily, pushing my locker shut for me and hooking her arm through mine. As I saw Jess coming down the corridor, she got a desperate look in her direction.

I pulled my arm free immediately, “Can you take this somewhere else? Because I don’t want to hear it!”

Gaia let out a little gasp, “Dougie…”

“Don’t keep saying my name like it proves you know it,” I snapped at her. “Did you just learn it the other day? When I came in like this?”

Emilie looked impressed rather than insulted, “Well, he does have a bite. I like a bloke with a bit of fire in him. And I knew your name before. You were always hot. You were just…unapproachable before.”

“Good to know.” I put a hand to my head, thought quickly, “Well, you’re too late, anyway. I’m already going with someone.”

They both stared at me in shock, like the thought had never occurred to them. “Who?” Gaia demanded.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Fine,” Emilie said haughtily. “Your loss.” And she strode off. Gaia made a noise of disgust before doing likewise in the other direction.

There was a tutting from behind me, and I didn’t have to guess at who it was. “Dougie… Dougie, Dougie, Dougie, Dougie, Dougie…” Jess lectured in a condescending tone as she stepped up beside me. “Look at you all desired…”

I shook my head slightly, “Shows how shallow this school is. Lose the braces and dye your hair and suddenly you’re hot”

She nudged me in the side playfully, “You were always hot. Who are you going to the formal with, though?”

“No idea,” I admitted, letting out a long breath as she laughed.

“Well, then, why don’t you go with me?” She grinned as I turned to face her, “I need someone to save face, and- also- how much would it bug all the populars? Also, this way I don’t have to indulge in idle chit chat.”

I considered this, “And I can honestly say that I have a date if any other shallow creatures try to ask.” I held out a hand, “Deal.”

“I have a guy.” She rolled her eyes as she shook my hand, “He’s gay, but he’s male.”

Dedicate everything I create

To my friends I would die for

But you will always be the one

“You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”

I cocked my head back to look up at Harry with a sly smile, “I do, as it happens.”

He sat next to me on the park bench. I was waiting for Tom to get out of Chemistry. For some reason, he’d opted to do revision classes. “I can’t believe you told on me.”

My eyes were innocent as I stared at him, “I did nothing of the kind. It’s not my fault he saw. I didn’t tell him your name.”

“But you knew full well that he’d recognise my handwriting.”

I looked back over the park, watching a group of primary kids play football, “I had hoped.”

He laughed softly, “I never realised how cunning you were. You always seemed sly, but you’ve got it all figured out.”

“You speak like you’ve been talking to me for more than a week.”

“But I saw you before,” he claimed, but I just rolled my eyes. “Believe me if you want. It’s true.”

“Mm-hm.”

He exhaled moodily as he looked out over the park as well. Then he turned to look at me again, “I think you owe me.”

“You also seem to think I care.”

His chuckle was soft as he leant closer, “There’s a house party this Friday at Danny’s. Why don’t you come?”

“Because I have better things to do.”

“What can be better?” he asked in amusement.

“Better than watching a bunch of brainless teenagers get drunk because they think it makes them look hard?” I asked incredulously. I tapped my chin in mock consideration, “Let me think…”

He laughed, “You don’t want to see all the hot girls?”

I finally turned my eyes back to his, “I think I’ll cope.”

His lips were curved slightly, and his eyes were glinting- making him look so good. “How can you not be interested?”

“Girls- as a whole- don’t interest me.”

His eyebrows shot up, “Oh. Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, there’ll be guys there as well. You can still come to the party.”

I couldn’t help but grin, “You’re determined, aren’t you?”

He stretched out his legs luxuriously, “Well, after I got a detention for trying to talk to you, the least you can do is let me talk to you.”

“And what d’you call this?”

“This is you getting annoyed because I won’t leave.”

“Then take a hint.”

He leant his head back, “I’ll go away when you say you’ll come to the party.”

“You’ll be sitting here for a long time.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“Bugger off.”

“Please?”

“Stop it,” I snapped, pushing him on the arm.

He just grinned, “I told you I can be annoying.”

I stood up, “I knew that already. Now, if you’re not leaving, I am.”

His hand snagged my wrist, and he tugged me down again, miscalculating it so my leg was right against his once he had me seated again. “You’re not going anywhere until you agree to come to this party with me.”

“Can I leave after ten minutes?”

He shrugged, “If you want.”

“I will.”

“We’ll see.”

I realised my leg was still against his, and shifted it away. It tingled at the loss of pressure. He noticed, and nudged his knee back into mine with a smirk. “You’re easily amused, aren’t you?” I asked wryly.

He was unphased, “I find it’s the best way to be.” He pushed his leg against mine again, laughed as I pushed back this time. “We’ll work out the deal on getting to the party later.”

“Whatever.”

He shoved me on the shoulder, and I push him back. But he was stronger than me. He had a grip of both of my upper arms in a matter of seconds, his smile mocking as I struggled against his hold.

I was pulled in by his eyes again. His face softened as we just stared at one another. One of his hands released me, and he moved it up to touch the side of my face. My skin heated under his touch, my own warmth merging with his.

My heart began to pound. I knew that Harry Judd was gay. Of course I did. Everyone knew. Part of his respect had been gained through the fact that he didn’t give a damn what people thought of his sexuality. But I never expected to be one of the guys on the other side of his lips.

He leant in slowly, and I slid my own hand up his arm and around the back of his neck, helping to pull his mouth down to mine. I felt his breath ghost over my lips, and then his lips were against mine softly.

“Doug?”

I jerked back quickly, snapping back to reality. Why the hell had I been about to kiss him? After all he had put Tom and I through? I stood up quickly. It was just residual lust… Must be. I had always thought he was hot. I’d just have to keep a better hold on myself now. “I need to go.”

I walked away to join Tom before he could say anything more. “What the hell was going on there?” Tom asked as we walked away. I hid my face in my hands. Why had he had to say…?

“I have no idea. He was just…annoying me, and- the next thing I knew- we were…”

“Getting ready to snog?” he teased, though his voice sounded weird. Strained. I rolled my eyes as he slung an arm around my shoulder, dismissing it. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

Memories that you can’t overrun

Memories I could cry for

I thought I’d always be on the run, whoa

“This is it,” Harry said, pointing to a house along the street. I didn’t say anything in response, just walked beside him. After a moment, he sighed, “Are you just not going to talk to me all night?”

“No,” I told him honestly. “I’m only staying for ten minutes to get you off my back. Neither of us have to suffer the whole night.”

Harry stopped suddenly, seizing my arm so I had to stop as well. He turned to me to face him slowly, and inclined his head towards me. I put a hand on his head abruptly, “What are you doing?”

His lips curved slowly, still close to mine, “Well, I figured since this has to be what’s making you so awkward, we should get it out of the way as soon as possible.”

I pushed on his chest, easing him back, “Or maybe we won’t do it at all.”

He was still smiling as he obeyed, “I’ll give you time to realise you want it.” Tucking his hands into his pockets nonchalantly, he strolled on ahead. I narrowed my eyes at his back.

“You are so conceited…”

He paused, and turned his head to grin back at me, “And I can’t wait for you to find out why…”

I rolled my eyes, and went to catch up with him on the pavement. “Just shut up and let’s get this over with…”

“Harry!” Danny Jones cried as he opened the door. His eyes widened as he saw me. “And, Dougie! Wow… Hey.”

“Hey,” I said politely.

Harry smiled, and answered the unasked question: “He’s here because I agreed that if he came for ten minutes, then I’d get off his back.”

“Ah…” Danny smiled at me as he stepped back, something I’d never expected to happen. “Well, come on in and you can start your timer.”

“Thanks,” I told him, making a point of checking the time display on my phone as I walked in. I heard Danny laugh.

“Time?”

I smiled at him as I pocketed the phone again, “Ten past nine.”

Danny grinned, and slapped Harry on the back jovially, “You’ve got your hands full with this one.”

“If his hands come anywhere near me, my knee will find it’s way into his groin,” I corrected sweetly. Danny laughed again.

“Can I get you a drink, Dougie?”

I shook my head, “No, thanks.”

“Harry?”

“Bacardi, please.”

Danny nodded and walked away. Harry looked amused as he turned to me, “You’re not a very sociable person, are you?”

I tucked my hands into my pockets easily, “We ‘mutes’ aren’t big on conversation.” He laughed as I walked away into the living room and caught up with me easily.

The living room was filled with half-drunken teenagers. There was music playing- the type that I had little interest in, and people were just talking, drinking, dancing and kissing in various locations. I was very unimpressed.

“You’ve proved to me that you’re not a mute.”

“Don’t you wish I was now…?” I muttered, rocking back on my heels as I took in the sights. “Well, this is depressing.”

He cocked his head to the side, “How so?”

“This is exactly what I wanted to avoid.”

He looked mildly offended, “It can be fun.”

I patted him on the shoulder lightly, “Must be an acquired taste.” I checked my phone again. Seven minutes before I could get out of here and back to sanity.

“Maybe you should give it a chance.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Well, maybe-”

“Well, aren’t you two love’s young dream?” Danny breezed, stepping in between us and handing Harry a drink. I sighed, taking a step back. “Not your thing, Dougie?”

I shrugged, “Not really.”

He took a sip of his own drink, “I’m not surprised, the look of your friends.”

My eyes narrowed immediately, “Excuse me?”

“By the looks of it, a fun Friday night for most of them is homework.”

“Yeah, because we’re not so immature that we need to drink ourselves into a stupor to be happy,” I shot back. Danny looked surprised.

“Calm it, Doug.” He held up his hands in mock surrender. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

I turned away, “Of course not.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Four minutes.

Harry sighed, “Dougie, you have to admit that some of your friends, like Fletcher, are geeks.”

“He’s not a geek,” I told him, turning back to look at him. No-one slagged off Tom and got away with it. “He’s intelligent- but you probably don’t have much experience with that breed.”

Danny let out a low whistle, “He’s got a bite.”

“There’s no need to be harsh,” Harry said patiently.

“Oh, please,” I scoffed. “You think I don’t know that you would still be looking through me if I hadn’t decided to get my braces off, or start wearing a styled uniform, or bleach my hair? I’m not stupid, either.”

Harry stared at me, “You have such a low opinion of us…”

“Well, someone has to balance out the high opinion you have of yourselves,” I shot back. “I’m not standing here and listening to this.”

Danny checked his phone, “Your time’s up, so go.”

I made a noise of distain before striding towards the front door, but someone grabbed my wrist before I reached it. “I wasn’t being dramatic about you touching me, Harry!” I snapped.

“When are you being so bitchy?” he demanded.

“Because I am a bitch, Harry,” I told him seriously. “This is who I am, which of course you didn’t know!”

He got right into my face now, “Well, you don’t exactly give anyone a chance, do you?!”

“Why should I when I’m judged on sight?!”

Then his mouth was on mine- hard and demanding as his anger took hold. I pushed him back quickly, but he just shook his head. “You said no hands.” Then he crushed his mouth back to mine.

I stumbled back into the wall, and he came with me, trapping me there. His tongue forced its way past the boundaries of my lips, meeting mine in a ferocious battle. It wasn’t so much a romantic embrace as a power struggle, and one that I was determined to win.

I’m back in the picture

Back in the picture

I wonder what took so long

So long

“Hey.” He smiled at me as he arrived at his locker. I smiled back at him, putting a book into my own locker. “You okay?” he asked conversationally.

I shrugged, “Yeah.”

Tom collapsed onto the locker next to me with a heavy sigh, “My ears are still ringing from that concert.”

A grin appeared on my face, “Mine, too. Is Matt still going on about meeting them?”

He rolled his eyes, “Matt? I think Jess is in love.”

“It was an awesome gig, though.”

“T’was.” Tom bobbed his head happily. And something hit me in the side of the head, blinding me. I pulled the jumper off my head, scowled at Harry.

He was doing his best to look innocent, and it wasn’t working for him, “You left that at Danny’s. He wasn’t up to giving it back to you himself.”

“Good,” I muttered, shoving it into my locker before closing the door.

He sighed, “Dougie, you were really rude to him.”

I shrugged, “I’m rude to anyone who slags off my friends and expects me to laugh along with them.”

Harry shut his locker, moved to me, “Are you free tonight?”

“Only directly after school.”

He shook his head, “Detention.” I grinned, and he nudged me, “Don’t say anything.”

“That was an excellent achievement on my part.”

“We’ll work something out. See you later.”

Tom waited until he was gone, “Erm… What the hell was that?!” As I started towards registration, he hurried after me, “I’m sorry, since when do you go to Danny Jones’ house with Harry Judd?”

“It just happened.”

He gave me a scornful look, “Something like that doesn’t ‘just happen’. So what? Did you finally snog Harry?”

I felt my cheeks heat up, “Shut up!”

“You did,” he realised. “You let him kiss you. You kissed him!”

“So what if I did,” I hissed.

He made a noise of disgust, “So, have you forgotten how he treats us?”

“Well, maybe he would treat us better if we tried to get along with him?” I suggested as we walked into our class. We separated momentarily in order to get to our desks.

Gaia caught my arm as I walked past her, “Hey. I heard you had a fight with Danny. That’s really sexy… No-one stands up to him…”

“I was too busy with Harry to congratulate myself,” I said casually, and her eyes widened as she understood my meaning.

“You’re gay?” As I nodded, she blew out a breath, “That’s fantastic! I thought I was losing my touch! And, wow, that makes you even hotter. I’ve always had a thing for gay guys…”

I rolled my eyes, shrugging her off and continuing to my seat, where Tom was already settled. “You’re thinking with your dick,” he muttered as I sat down.

“Shut up.”

He turned his head to look at me, “So you don’t deny it.”

My head snapped around so my eyes met his, “What I do- thinking or otherwise- with my dick is none of your business. If I want to tell you, I will, but- otherwise- keep out of it!”

“So you’re just going to go with the first guy that gives you the come-on, no matter how he’s treated you in the past?”

“Y’know,” I drawled, leaning back in my chair. “I’d say you’re jealous, but you made it abundantly clear that that was never going to happen.”

He stared at me with wide eyes, “I thought we were past that.”

“Oh, I am. You’re the one who seems to be holding onto it.”

“No, I’m not,” he insisted.

“Good.” I leant towards him, “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen with Harry- if anything. But let’s make one thing abundantly clear: Who I date is none of your business. I’m not going to desert you guys, and he’s not going to change me. I laid into him the other night for your benefit, and I’m rewarded with nothing but criticism.”

He shook his head, “You think he would look at you twice if you were still wearing your old uniform?”

“My old uniform wasn’t me.”

“No, but it reserved you for the ones who actually took the time and effort to get to know you,” he said in a low voice as the teacher began to take the register.

I put my head in my hands. Why was he being so difficult? “I’m not going to stop talking to you. I don’t even like Harry’s friends!”

“Then why do you like him?”

“I tried,” I snapped. “He’s annoying, he’s arrogant, he’s defensive. But he wore me down. He’s not that bad.”

Tom snorted, “Maybe to people who look like you.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but he just pulled a notebook out of his bag and started to work on some lyrics he had been writing. I didn’t bother to say anything now. I knew he was blocking me out. He wouldn’t hear a thing that I said.

 I sank down in my chair miserably. Why was he so convinced that my being with Harry would destroy us?

Back in the picture

Back in the picture

Wonder what took so long

So long, so long

“So what did you think of that?” Harry asked me as we walked out of the cinema.

I pulled a face as we headed for the escalator that lead back into the main shopping centre, “Wooden acting. Bad stunts. Overdramatic on the pathetic fallacy.”

Harry frowned, “What?”

“When the weather reflects the character’s emotions,” I explained. “I mean, you can pull it off a few times, but I swear there was a moment when it went from rain and storm-clouds to a clear sky and sun just because she smiled.”

He laughed, taking my hand. It felt a little weird, but- after two weeks- it was pretty much normal behaviour for a teenage couple, right? “Wasn’t there anything you liked about it?”

I thought for a long moment, “The dog reminded me of the one we used to have. And the best friend was hot.”

“So nothing to do with the actual film?”

“Well, it was a good plot idea,” I allowed. “They just went about it all wrong.”

“Critic,” he teased as we stepped off the escalator. He pulled me clear of the flow of people they were coming off it, and brushed his lips over mine.

“Dougie!”

I turned to see Jess, Chris and Tom a few metres away. It was Jess who had called, and she bounced up to us happily. “Hey,” I greeted with a grin.

“Hi. Hey, Harry,” she said happily.

He smiled at her, “Hey.” Harry was always really nice to my friends. He wasn’t cold, unlike some people. My gaze flicked to Tom, who was hanging back with a sour look on his face even as Chris walked over to join us.

Jess turned her gaze to me, “I just wanted to check we were still on for the dance next Friday.”

“Definitely.” I grinned, “It’ll be amusing.”

“Especially since neither of you can dance,” Chris added. Jess opened her mouth slightly, but neither of us could deny that it was true.

“We’ll wing it,” I decided. My gaze flicked back to Tom. “He isn’t still mad at me, is he?”

Chris sighed, “He’s just overreacting, as per usual. Don’t take anything by it. To be honest, it’s annoying me half to death.”

Harry frowned, “Why aren’t you talking? Because he doesn’t like me?”

I was surprised by his perceptiveness. “Yeah. He doesn’t think I should be….” I cleared my throat, unsure of what to say. We hadn’t discussed terms yet. I didn’t know if it was dating, boyfriend or what. It was too complicated…

Harry looked thoughtful, “Well, shouldn’t he be mad at me, not you?”

“Exactly,” Jess concurred. “This is stupid because he’s just forcing you even further away from him, and making you more likely to do what he fears and leave him.”

“Right now, he’s in the running for the title of Stupidest Smart Bloke,” Chris intoned. He looked over his shoulder to where Tom was still lurking. “We better go. You coming to Matt’s tomorrow night?”

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“See you there, then.”

Jess rubbed her hands together eagerly, “I’m gonna make them help me find a dress now.” She hugged me tightly, and raised a hand in good-bye before speeding off.

“You wouldn’t expect someone like her to be so cheery,” Harry remarked.

I slanted him a look, “What? With all the black?”

“Yes,” he said honestly, putting his arm around my shoulders now. “But she’s quite sweet.”

A grin formed on my face, “She’d love that.” I glanced back over to where they had been, and saw they had left. Then I slung my arms around Harry’s neck. “Are you going to this dance thing?”

“I am.”

“Who managed to get you to go with them?”

“Emilie Ryan.”

I snorted out a laugh before I could help myself, and he looked alarmed. I pressed a quick kiss to his lips and let him go, speed-walking away. He was going with one of my cast-offs! I had just taken the final step into Weirdoland. After a while, I sat on the edge of the fountain in the centre of the mall.  He walked up to where I sat, his eyes curious. “What?”

“Nothing,” I lied.

“Clearly,” he remarked dryly. He took a seat next to me on the edge, his body angled towards mine so that our legs touched. “Seriously, what’s so funny?”

I had managed to compose myself somewhat by this point, and looked up at him innocently, “Nothing.”

“Go on. Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

He nudged his knee into mine, “You know what.”

I blinked at him, “It’s not important. You’re just going to the dance with one of my rejects.”

He just raised an eyebrow at me, “Excuse me?”

“Emilie asked me to the dance, but I turned her down.” I leaned forward to pat him on the shoulder, “Second choice, much?”

He leant in to kiss me. “Better your reject than anyone else’s.” He kissed me firmly, taking his time and not rushing it. I brought a hand up to cup his face. “So you’re going to the dance?”

I nodded, pulling back, “I told Jess that I would, and it’ll be fun to hang out with everyone again.”

“So you won’t hang out with me?” he asked coyly.

I pulled a face, “Maybe. But we both have our own friends as well. I can’t ignore them because of you.”

“I know.” He stood up, then offered a hand to me so he could pull me to my feet, “And I don’t want you to.”

“Good.”

There were times in my life

I was down on my knees, now it’s over

Deep inside my heart, I know, whoa

“Pile up!”

I felt the air being crushed out of me as four bodies landed on top of mine on the sofa. Of course, my loss of breath wasn’t helped by the fact that I was laughing uncontrollably. I flailed weakly, kicking out, but they had me stuck.

“Revenge!” Jess claimed. “Revenge for deserting us!”

When? I’d never deserted them. I bit Matt’s palm as he tired to muffle me. He yelped and pulled his hand back. “Surrender!” Steve declared.

I rolled, so they all went with me and fell off the sofa. Then I burst out laughing as four sets of hands come up to grab me, pulling me down to the floor as well. “Might as well give up,” Chris advised. “You’re never going to beat us.”

“I can try!” I managed.

Jess pounced on me, taking up residence on the back of my legs. I felt more weight being applied to my body as I fought. Then I saw a pair of pale blue Converse walk into the doorway that was in my line of vision. Damn it.

I flailed even more madly, and heard a grunt as I caught someone in the stomach. “This is so not fair. I’m being ganged up on here!”

“You can afford to be,” Jess told me primly. “You have a gorgeous boyfriend.”

“Aw… So you’re jealous…?” I purred, jerking my legs up then pulling them free as she tried to regain her balance. I hopped to my feet, dodging around all of the snatching hands. Seeing no alternative, I hid behind Tom in the doorway.

Matt was the first on his feet, “Come on, Dougie. You can’t hide forever.”

I had to press myself right up against Tom’s body in order to peer over his shoulder, “Watch me.”

Tom suddenly gave a snort of disgust, stepping away from me. Then he turned and barged past me in order to run up the stairs. I was totally shocked. What the hell was wrong with him? I thought he’d be okay if Harry wasn’t around. I looked into the wide eyes of others before going to find him.

He was sitting in Matt’s room, his head in his hands. I entered silently, and sat next to him. “What’s going on, Tom?”

“Nothing.”

“Shut up. That sure as hell didn’t look like nothing,” I corrected.

He shot me a glare, “Then why ask?”

“Because I want to know what the something is!”

He stood up from the bed, paced away from me, “You’ve changed.”

“No, I haven’t! You’re just determined to think that I have! Why can’t you just accept what is? I haven’t liked all of your girlfriends, but I’ve left you alone! So why are you so opposed to me dating?”

He stared at the floor, a blush staining his cheeks as he muttered something in a low voice. I got up from the bed and stepped towards him. “If you’re going to say it, Tom, say it so I can hear you.”

“What happened to…?” He looked up into my eyes with pain in his, and I knew what he meant immediately.

About ten months ago, I had admitted to Tom that I had feelings for him. They had been building up for a while before then, and I’d just had to come clean. But he had turned me down, said that he couldn’t because he was straight. And we’d managed to go back to being friends.

“Why are you bringing that up now?” I whispered.

“You used to like me,” he murmured. “And now you like him. How can that happen? We’re nothing alike.”

I turned away from him, “Tom, you said no, so I moved on. What good would it do to look for someone who was just like you? That would make it awkward for both of us.”

“So you’re over it?”

I froze. Why was his voice shaking? It had been his decision. “Of course I am.”

“Oh.”

I spun back to look at him. He was hanging his head, an awkward expression on his face. “Why?” I asked him.

He shook his head, “It’s nothing.”

But I didn’t believe him, and he took a step towards him. “Tom, you’re not… are you?”

“What?” he mumbled, looking up into my eyes.

“Don’t do this after you rejected me,” I pleaded. “Please, Tom.”

“Don’t do what?”

I took a step back now, “Don’t say it. If you have feelings for me now, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.” I felt my eyes grow hot as I stared at him defiantly.

“Dougie… Yes. No. I don’t know!” he cried. “It’s just… since you started… with him. I just know that I don’t want you to.”

“I told you not to tell me,” I whispered.

He let out a bitter whisper, “Then tough.” And then he suddenly closed the gap between us, crushing his mouth to mine. His lips fit mine perfectly during his firm kiss. I pushed him back. “Don’t.”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because I might not stop you next time,” I warned him. He nodded solemnly, before claiming my mouth with his again. Now there was a clash of tongues, making my heart rate go through the roof. I drove my hands into his hair, pulling him into me. I could taste him, smell him, feel him. All I needed was him.

His mouth plundered mine desperately, fitting perfectly. I think I was still in shock. Tom was kissing me. He was kissing me when I had been convinced that it would never happen.

But it was wrong. Even though it felt so damn good, I knew that I couldn’t do this. Reluctantly, I eased my hands round onto his shoulders and pushed him back again. He looked hurt, “It’s not what you want?”

“I don’t want to be confused,” I told him. “I don’t want to know you want me. I want it to be easy. What about Harry?”

“Dougie… Don’t give up on me now.”

But I just shook my head, retreating from him, “I need to think. About all of this. I need to…get away from you.”

I’m back in the picture

Back in the picture

I wonder what took so long

So long

“You look really hot,” I remarked, nudging Jess in the side playfully as we walked down the road towards the school. She had stayed gothic in her dress choice. Her dress was a deep purple satin, with black lace cobwebs over the top. She was also wearing black Converse that stretched up to halfway up her calves, just a few centimetres below the hem of her dress.

She rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah.”

“I’m serious. I might have trouble holding onto you once we get in. All the guys’ll be after you.”

“Except Tom,” she said softly. I looked away from her, staring straight ahead. “He’s really upset over what happened the other night.”

I shook my head, “He had no right to turn around and say that to me.”

She shrugged, “Why not? You did that to him when you told him that you fancied him.” I turned my head back to her in shock, “He was confused; he was upset. It wasn’t supposed to happen. One of you wasn’t meant to fall for the other.”

“But he turned me down,” I insisted.

She rolled her eyes, “It takes longer for some people to realise what they want. Even as you stayed friends, he found himself wishing that he could touch you. But he didn’t want to hurt you, so he held it back.”

“Why couldn’t he keep holding it back?” I hissed, turning my eyes forward again.

“Because he couldn’t handle it when you got together with Harry,” she stressed. “He could control his feelings when you were single, and- maybe if you got a decent boyfriend- he could have still. But he wasn’t going to watch you with Harry Judd.”

I swallowed, my throat beginning to ache, “How long has he…?”

She knew what I meant, but looked hesitant, “Doug…”

“Just tell me.”

“I don’t know! Six, seven months,” she guessed.

I made a noise of frustration, “And he waits until I have a boyfriend before telling me?!”

Jess looked genuinely sympathetic now, “Yeah, I have no idea why he waited so long.” She put a hand on my arm as we turned into the drive up to the school. “Do you still like him?”

I closed my eyes momentarily, “Of course I do, but-”

“But what?” she challenged. “You can ditch Judd, and go for Tom!”

“But-”

“Look:” she said in a jovial tone, slinging her arm around me. “It’ll be a strain… but I’m sure that I can take Harry off your hands. He’s so hot… Besides, you don’t deserve him if you’re still eying up your best friend.”

I rolled my eyes, “You don’t ask for much, do you? He’s gay.”

She rubbed her hands together eagerly, an evil glint coming into her eyes, “He won’t be once I’m done with him… I’d love him, adore him, cherish him.”

“Polish him…”

“Shut up!” She thumped me on the arm heavily, “He’d be so much better off with me. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but you’ve wanted Tom for too long to push him away when he wants you back.”

“So you don’t think he’s missed his chance?” I asked her as we walked down the school corridor towards the gym.

She shook her head, pushing the double doors open so we could go in, “Not if that kiss he was telling me about is anything to go by.”

“Kissing me was a dirty tactic,” I muttered. She laughed.

“Dirty, but effective.” She gave a little grunt of approval, “Ugh. How can he always look so good?”

I ignored her, and smiled at Harry as he came up to me, “Hey.”

He smiled slowly, casting his eyes over me, “You look so hot.”

“Not so bad yourself.” I leant up to kiss him softly on the lips. My stomach flipped, but it wasn’t the same as with Tom. Damn it. I turned to Jess, “Want a drink?”

“No, thanks. But go and get yourself one. I’m gonna go and talk to Steve.”

I nodded, “Right.” Turning, I walked towards the refreshment table that had been set up in the corner of the hall. I sighed as I poured some Coke into one of the plastic cups.

I had so wanted Harry’s kiss to feel the same, or better, than Tom’s. I’d been fine when I hadn’t known what Tom’s kiss was like, but- now that I did- all I could do was compare. And Harry didn’t match up.

But why should I dump Harry just because Tom had decided he was jealous? He didn’t want me until someone else did. I knew that wasn’t true, but thinking it gave me some kind of twisted comfort. Harry hadn’t given me any reason to dump him for Tom. He had been nothing but considerate whilst we had been going out.

But Tom was…Tom. The Tom I had fancied for two years before telling him. Even after, keeping him close to me had been enough. I had still fallen further. And now he wanted me, too. Surely I should just take the chance while it was open to me. Live now, regret later.

I shook my head slightly, draining my cup before setting it down next to the already growing pile of used ones. Then I sent a glance around the hall. Jess was messing around with Chris and Steve at the other end of the hall. I guessed that the other two hadn’t arrived yet, if they were even coming…

I looked around further, and saw Harry talking to Danny. I smiled, but suddenly my throat was dry. I picked up my cup and refilled it, sipping on it nervously as I walked towards Harry. What the hell was I meant to do? I didn’t even know whether I was going to dump him or not.

“So… He looks really good,” I heard Danny saying as I approached.

“He really does,” Harry agreed.

Neither of them noticed my arrival, and Danny grinned. “So, is tonight the big night?” What? Did he mean…?

Harry let out a crude laugh, “Oh, yes… I’m so glad that he’s improved, or it never would have happened.” I felt my whole face harden, and I took a few steps forward until I was standing right behind him.

“You think he’ll be good?”

Harry shrugged, “He won’t stick around if he isn’t.”

I felt my skin flush red hot, and my eyes narrow. That shallow, self-obsessed bastard! What right did he have to judge me by whether I was sexually satisfying or not?! And when did I ever say I was going to sleep with him tonight?! With no hesitation, I reached up and poured my juice right down the back of his neck. “Oh, will I not?”

Back in the picture

Back in the picture

I wonder what took so long

So long, so long, so long

He froze, his shoulders instinctively hunching as the liquid streamed down his back, soaking his shirt. He turned to face me slowly, and I could see the dread on his face, “Doug…”

“Now, we wouldn’t want me to be crap in bed…” I drawled, cocking my head to the side. “So why don’t we just spare you the experience of having to have sex with someone who could potentially be terrible…?”

Harry caught my wrist as I turned to walk off, “Dougie, I didn’t mean it like that.”

My face took on a sympathetic look as I turned to look back into his pleading eyes, “Really…? Because I could’ve sworn that you just said that…”

He could see the sarcasm in my eyes, “Come on! Like you don’t discuss that kind of thing with your friends!”

That confirmed that I definitely heard what I’d thought. “Yeah, I do,” I agreed. “I’m just not so shallow, self-obsessed, big-headed and crude enough that I would chuck someone based on sex alone. I leave that judgement to arseholes like you.”

As I shook him off, and made to leave once more, he grabbed my upper arm, pulling me back, “You can’t dump me!”

“Why not?” I asked innocently. “Because you don’t think a relationship can end until we’ve shagged…? I don’t sleep with someone after only two weeks of dating them.” I wrenched my arm free again, “And- by the way- I didn’t ‘improve’.”

Danny let out a surprised laugh, “Oh, you really did.”

I turned my glare onto him, “No, I didn’t. You never saw me outside of school, so you made assumptions. Then again, you’re arrogant enough.”

“Please, like you didn’t do it just so you could be noticed,” Harry suddenly spat. Before I had fully registered what I was doing, my fist made contact with something hard, and when I drew it back, I saw blood seeping out of Harry’s nose.

“And to think I defended you. Tom was right. Tom’s always fucking right.” And I finally turned and strode out of the hall, even though I heard Jess and Steve calling my name. There were people staring at me as I left, but I realised I was too angry to care. So what if people had been watching that scene? I was in the clear here.

I couldn’t believe that I’d gotten it all so wrong, that I’d ever thought that someone like Harry Judd would change and see me as anything other than a hot geek. Teenagers didn’t change. I was so naïve. I was so fucking stupid!

I spun around a corner and smacked into something solid. I stumbled back, trying to prevent tears from falling as my eyes began to heat up. “Whoa! What’s the hurry?” I heard Tom’s voice ask.

I couldn’t even look at him. So I just pushed past him, carrying on down the corridor. He caught my arm, turning me back, “Doug, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said stiffly.

“Dougie…” he murmured, taking hold of both of my arms. “What happened?”

I still couldn’t look him in the eye. “You were right,” I whispered instead.

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean, you were right, and I was wrong,” I hissed in a low voice. “Harry doesn’t care. He doesn’t even really want me. He wanted someone to snog between classes and shag for credibility. And, yeah, I was sucked in by it. I’m an idiot, now leave me alone.”

But he wouldn’t let me go, and instead pulled me into a firm hug, holding me close to him. I felt him murmuring my name soothingly as I hid my face in his shoulder, my back beginning to shake with the struggle to hold back my tears. No way was I crying in school. It wasn’t happening.

I breathed in slowly, drawing in his scent. Why was it that most of my anger had vanished the second he had touched me? Now I was just upset- which, in my opinion, was far worse.

“Dougie,” he said softly. “You’re not stupid. He treated you like he probably treats everyone he fancies.” I let out a half-sob, burrowing even further into his chest. He sighed, “Sorry. Can’t do tact. Yes, you made a mistake. But now you know not to in the future.”

I shook my head, “I heard him saying that if I hadn’t ‘improved’, then he never would have spoken to me, and if I wasn’t good in bed, then he’d chuck me.”

I felt him bristle, “That arrogant, conceited- I’m gonna kill him!”

Now it was me who had to pull him back as he made to stride off towards the hall. It was then that I actually looked right at him. And my mouth went dry.

I had seen Tom outside of school- seen his jeans and band t-shirt style, but this was…more. He was wearing his baggy black jeans, with an open-collared white shirt that showcased a black t-shirt beneath. He had swapped his glasses for contact lenses, and- even though I loved his glasses- it was an intriguing change. His eyes looked bigger without them. And he had lightly gelled his hair so that it had a cute rumpled look to it.

He looked unsure as I stared at him, “What?”

I just kept staring. This Tom was a mix of school Tom and real Tom, and he was so gorgeous. Slowly, I reached out and put a hand to his cheek, ignoring the fact that his eyes became questioning. I moved closer to him, my lips coming to hover over his.

We stood like that for a long moment, just staring into one another’s eyes while our lips tingled with the contact that was yet to happen.

Then, in one simple moved, I closed the gap, crushing my mouth to his. The kiss deepened quickly, with our tongues meeting in a ferocious battle. His arms came around me now that he was sure of my intentions, one hand moving up to tangle itself in my hair. I moved my second hand up to grip his arm.

Our lips just seemed to fit so perfectly, and air wasn’t a concern as I kissed him with all the might that I had in me. I couldn’t believe it had taken so long for this to happen.

He broke away, his lips now soft and red with the imprint of mine. He cleared his throat, “Dougie…” I responded with another small kiss over his lips, telling him that I was serious. He smiled brightly, his whole face lighting up, “So, erm… Shall we go in?”

I considered, “How about only to ask the others if they want to go someplace else?”

He put his arm around me companionably as we walked back towards the hall, “Where did you have in mind?”

I shrugged, “I dunno. The cinema or something. Anything would be better than being here.”

“Then let’s go ask.”

“One condition: You don’t pick the film.”

He looked insulted as he pushed me away from him, “You’ve done it now. That had to be the shortest teen romance ever.”

I laughed, pulling him back towards me, “Come on.”

So long.