He sat on the swings, letting himself drift idly back and forth. He wasn’t paying attention- not really. He was too consumed in his thoughts for that. But he noticed when the other man arrived. His head moved up and there was relief in his eyes. “I didn’t think you would come.”

The other man smiled, opening the gate and stepping inside the play-park. He secured it once more before turning around, “I said I would. You know I would do anything for you.”

The blond nodded, and fiddled with the toggle on his jumper in a sudden show of nerves. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about…”

The brunette continued to smile, although there was a confused quality to it now. “You wanted to talk about how I would do anything for you?”

“About your feelings for me, yes.”

He still looked unsure, “Dougie, I think I’ve made my feelings for you clear.”

“I think you believe you have,” Dougie said cautiously.

“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?” the other man’s voice was suddenly sharp, and Dougie had to swallow anxiously before daring to speak.

“I want you to stop. With the calls, the letters, the emails, the…weird adoring looks. I can’t take it any more, Danny!”

Silence fell between them for a moment, and the brunette walked slowly to the swings and took a seat before finding the will to speak once more. “My feelings are making you uncomfortable.”

Dougie shook his head, “Not your feelings. I don’t care if you have the hots for me. You can’t help if that’s the case. But it’s what you’re doing! You’re pursuing me when we both know it’s never going to happen!”

“But I’m in love with you!”

“No, you’re in love with the idea of me!” Dougie snapped. He was tired. Tired of fending the advances he didn’t want; tired of being scared to crush Danny’s hopes. But the man was driving him to insanity.

At first, it had been fine. Danny had admitted to Dougie one day that he was bisexual, and that he was attracted to him. And Dougie- while assuring him that he was flattered- had gently let him know that the interest was not mutual.

But then it had built. Danny had started to get jealous of anyone that Dougie dated- male or female. He would become insolent and demand to know what they had that he didn’t. It was all Dougie could do sometimes not to respond with a scathing remark.

And, all this time, Danny seemed to work his way through one-night-stand after one-night-stand. Men, women, anyone he could charm into his bed, but- for some reason- his focus always seemed to come back to Dougie.

And Dougie had finally worked out why.

“I’m the one you could never get. The one person who you wanted but could never get into bed,” Dougie told Danny, his voice calm and even. “And now you’re obsessed with the conquest.”

“That’s not true!”

“Imagine that I gave in, Danny,” Dougie cried. “For one minute, imagine that I’m attracted to you in return.” The very thought made him queasy. To his mind it was close to incest. Danny was a brother to him, and would never, could never be more. “What then?” After you’d taken me to bed, what then?”

“What?”

“You would throw me aside like all the others!” Dougie threw his hands up, “Because that’s all you want. That’s all you ever want. During this whole chase, all you’ve ever mentioned wanting is my body. Not my mind, not me. It’s all about the sex, and- once you have that- you’d move on.”

“How can you say that?” he demanded.

“Because I know you! I know how you operate! And we have different missions.”

Danny frowned, “Missions?”

“Life is made up of missions. We all have them, and once we complete one, we create another.” Dougie stood up from the swing now, “Right now your mission is to bed me, and- after that- it will no doubt be to bed someone else. While I want a relationship! I want long term; I want commitment. You want right now.”

Danny gave a stubborn shrug, standing as well, “And what’s wrong with right now?”

He sighed, dragging a hand through his hair, “Nothing. But I like to know that my right now’s going to lead somewhere, and it wouldn’t with you.”

“You’re judging me!”

Dougie chuckled, “I’m not. I don’t care who you shag, and who you desert. I’m just not becoming a name on a list of people you’ve screwed.”

“And what if I promised that it would be different?” Danny begged. “That you would be more than sex to me?”

“Then we’re still back at the old problem,” Dougie pressed. “Danny, I love you. You know that. But I’m not in love with you.”

Danny shook his head, “You’re not letting yourself feel!”

Dougie took a step back, the side of his leg knocking against his vacated swing; shaking his head. Danny was wrong. He was wrong. Dougie had tried. He had tried so hard to conjure some sort of emotion within himself, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t see Danny as anything more than a friend, and he wasn’t about to fake feelings in order to make Danny happy, because it would only hurt him in the long run if his feelings did turn out to be something more than purely sexual.

“You don’t know what I’m letting myself feel,” Dougie told him patiently, gripping the chain of the swing in order to keep himself steady. “You don’t know, so don’t tell me that I don’t.”

“You could love me like that as well,” he insisted. “I know you could. You’re bisexual as well.”

“That doesn’t mean I’ll jump into bed with any man who gives me the eye!” he exclaimed. “I don’t automatically fancy everyone just because I’m bisexual. I’m sorry, Dan, but I’m not…” He cast his eyes down, ashamed of his own lack of feeling, “…attracted to you.”

“Why not?” Danny whispered.

“I don’t know… It’s not something I’m in control of. But it’s not going to change. I’ve tried, and it’s not.”

“Maybe you’re just not testing yourself in the right way,” Danny hissed, moving toward. Dougie backed away cautiously, and fell into the swing he was still standing beside, landing so forcefully that he swung back and forth for a moment. Danny chuckled, reaching out to steady it.

Dougie shook his head, “Danny, you can’t force me to like you. I’ll just end up resenting you.”

“But if I leave it, you might realise that you love me after all and I’ll have moved on,” he retorted, leaning over Dougie with a sly smile on his face. Dougie leant back, but was foiled as Danny curled a hand around his back and eased him forward again. He was close now, dangerously close.

“Wh- What are you doing?” Dougie managed.

“Testing the water.” He moved his face closer, but Dougie jerked back, making the swing rock precariously.

“I think the water’s fine as it is.”

Danny laughed softly, catching hold of the swing again, “How do you know without tasting the alternative?” And then his mouth was over Dougie’s before the blond could do anything more to stop him. Their lips firmed against each other’s and Danny took the dominant role, pushing his tongue past Dougie’s lips even as the younger male made no move towards reciprocation.

The kiss was slow and gentle, but Dougie remained rigid. He couldn’t help it. There was just something so very wrong about what was going on right now. Nothing about it felt right, but he knew that he had to let Danny have this moment. He just couldn’t bring himself to kiss back. It was too…weird.

It felt like ages before Danny pulled back, and for a long moment Dougie just stared into his hopeful face with wide eyes. “So…” he said in a strained voice. “…that’s what kissing my sister would feel like…”

Danny swore vehemently, and pushed away from the swing, inadvertently sending Dougie back into motion. “Really?”

“Don’t get me wrong. It was…interesting. But, I’m sorry. It felt wrong, on so many levels.” Dougie scraped his feet along the ground to still the swing, whilst wiping a hand across the back of his mouth. “It wasn’t just empty, it was uncomfortable.”

“But I don’t understand!” Danny spun back to face Dougie, “We’re best friends. The transition should be great. It always is in films.”

“You’re comparing this to a film?” Dougie asked wryly. “Really?”

“Shut up!”

Dougie sighed, standing up from the swing, “Danny… I know you don’t want to hear this. But one day you’ll find someone who loves you as well, and…who doesn’t compare the act of kissing you to what it may feel like to snog a sibling… But it’s not me.”

Danny’s eyes were still locked onto Dougie’s, and the blond could see the determination deep within them, mixed with the confusion and the hurt, “I’m not going to stop feeling for you.”

Dougie sighed, “I know. But you have to stop making it awkward for both of us. For the sake of our friendship; for the sake of the band.”

It took him a moment to nod, and Dougie could feel his reluctance as he did, “Okay.”

“You’ll get over it.”

“Sure.” He sounded bitter, but Dougie knew that honesty would do them better in the long run. He released the swing from his grip, stepped closer and put a hand on Danny’s arm.

“Would you rather I lied to you?”

Danny hung his head, “It would feel better right now.”

“Maybe. But, if you do love me, it would hurt later.”

He smiled slightly now, “Always planning for the future…”

“Better than always living in the present,” Dougie jibed, nudging Danny playfully. Danny pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry- for being so damn irresistible.”

Danny laughed, pushing the blond back a few steps, “Conceited.”

“Oh, you compliment me.”

He grinned again, tucking his hands into his pockets. Then he crossed to the gate and opened it, before turning back and cocking his head to the side in a challenge, “Wanna go home where I can destroy you on the X-Box?”

Dougie saw the offer being extended, and took it. Just because he couldn’t see Danny in the same light, it didn’t mean that they couldn’t still be friends. He moved across the park, and leapt the fence right next to the gate, sticking his tongue out at Danny. “I could go a round of X-Box.”