Chapter Thirty-Two- Dougie’s Demand

I sighed as I played my latest composition on my guitar, my fingers moving smoothly along the strings. There was something not quite right about it… A flaw that I couldn’t quite identify… But my focus was broken a someone cleared their throat at my door, and I looked up to see Dougie standing there. “Sorry to interrupt…” he said softly.

“Wow…” I marvelled. “Harry managed to crack you first… That’s a shock. I really thought he’d get to me first.”

Dougie groaned as I stood to set my guitar on its stand, “Look, does it even matter who succumbed first? He wants us to clear this up and- hell- I want to clear this up.”

“Clear what up?” I asked coldly, turning to face him. “It never happened.”

“No.”

I blinked at him, “Excuse me?”

“I said: No,” he spat. He closed my bedroom door firmly before turning to address me. “You’re not stupid, Tom, but right now you’re doing a damn fine job of playing the fool.”

“I’m being realistic!”

“No, you’re being evasive!” he shouted. As I just stared at him, shocked by the sudden outburst, he lowered his voice again to the calm and composed tone he used when he was angry but trying not to show it. “I’m not pretending this didn’t happen. You’re not pretending this didn’t happen. We’re not pretending this didn’t happen!”

He took a step towards me, thrust his arms out on either side demonstratively, “Because, guess what, it happened! And it’s going to keep happening until we stop ignoring it and accept that there’s something here.”

“And by ‘we’, you mean me,” I remarked, my eyes on the ground. He just watched me in silence. Finally, I looked up, ignoring the tears that were forming in my eyes. “You think I don’t realise there’s something here, Doug? I do, and it’s killing me. The guilt of knowing I want my best friend’s boyfriend is tearing me apart! There are times when I just…need you, but it can’t happen. I love Harry too bloody much to let it happen!”

I moved to him, shoved him hard on the shoulders, “So don’t you dare accuse me of ignoring it, because I’m not. I just won’t be the guy who ruins his best friend for another guy, okay? I’m not losing Harry. He’s been all I’ve had for years! He’s stuck by me through everything! And this is how I repay him?!”

I shook my head, “No. I’m not doing it to him. I don’t care how you feel about that. I don’t care what you want. Harry will always come first.”

“What? So you just want me to forget?”

“I don’t care if you forget, but I want you to keep yourself in check,” I hissed at him. I took a step back now, staring at him through the tears in my eyes. They wouldn’t fall. They rarely did. “And I’ll keep myself in check. That’s how it has to be.”

He reached for my hand, took it pleadingly, “Tom… Please…” As I pulled my hand away, he took a quavering breath, closed his eyes for a moment, “And what if that’s not good enough?”