Chapter Thirty-Six- Lonely Bloke’s Apology

I led him up the stairs and into my room. He shut the door behind him and moved to sit on my bed. I noted that he took care to pick up my guitar and set it in its stand before sitting down. He watched as I opened the bottles with a key-ring, then grinned as I handed him one.

“Happy New Year,” he proclaimed, holding up his bottle. I clinked mine off it. We drank in silence for a moment. “Look, Tom…” he said suddenly. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

“It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” he pressed. “It’s not okay. I should be able to control myself around you. I should remember that I’m with Harry, but I can’t. Whenever I see you, I just want to-”

“Don’t, Dougie,” I begged, pleading with him with my eyes.

He looked pained, “But I need to say it, Tom.”

“Then say it when I’m not here.”

He shifted his gaze to his lap, his cheeks staining a light pink, “Tom, until we work this out, it’s going to hang over us.”

“What about Harry?” I asked. “Are you using him?”

He looked shocked, “No! How could you think that?! Of course not! Look, when I gave Harry my number, it was because I liked him and I was interested. I thought I’d be able to handle being around you as well…”

I studied him as he looked back down at his lap in shame, “And you couldn’t?”

“What d’you think?” he muttered.

“But you still like Harry?”

A miserable nod answered my question, “He’s kind, he’s funny, he’s…a little slow at times, but he’s smart.” He bit his lip coyly, “And he’s hot.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered.

I sighed, drinking another mouthful of my drink, “Dougie, why would you risk what you have with Harry? He really likes you.”

Dougie looked back up into my eyes, “But you’re you.”

“I had noticed,” I remarked, lifting my bottle to my lips again. His grin was quick.

“And I just can’t help but…”

Since my bottle was now empty and I couldn’t use it to distract myself anymore, I set it to the side. “We don’t work as a couple.”

“How do we know?” he demanded. “How do we know that you and me- the real me- don’t work?”

“How do we know that it won’t happen all over again?”

“Because I’ve learnt my lesson.”

Loud bangs began to sound as fireworks were set off all over the city. New Year had arrived. A set must have been let off close by, because there were flashes through my window. Dougie rose; went to turn off the bedroom light so my room flickered with the multicoloured flashes.

The fireworks illuminated Dougie’s face as he walked back to the bed- turning it red, blue and all the other colours. They deepened the crevices; made him look mysterious. He drained the last of his bottle before sitting on the bed again. “Happy New Year, Tom.”

“Happy New Year, Doug.” But I put a hand out to stop him as he leaned in, “No. Please don’t.”

“Just give me tonight, Tom,” he pleaded. “Give me New Year. I’ll get it out of my system, and we can go back to normal.”

His eyes bored into mine, begging me to give him another chance. My hand slid down to his chest, no longer holding him back. He shuffled forward, his mouth meeting mine hesitantly, and I hoped that I wasn’t making a massive mistake.