I locked myself in my office. I wasn’t going to let myself leave the building in this state. Last time I had done that, it had resulted in me being taken by Polydon- not an experience I wanted to repeat any time soon.

So, what I was going to do was sit and think about what I could do about this situation.

My thoughts were: I should just break it off with both of them and be done with it. If I let go of Harry and Dougie permanently, it would do them both good, as they’d be away from me.

And, following that train of thought, what different would it really make to my life? Yes, I would be down two men who appear to want me, but I wasn’t the type that needed a man to be happy.

I had a good life. I knew that, and never took it for granted. I knew what it was like to be miserable, unwanted. To have nothing and to crave even one thing to call my own. Complications like this seemed trivial when I thought back, but now I was dealing with them, I had no idea what to do.

If I were to pick, who would I choose between the two?

It hurt to think about it.

Dougie was so fun- loving and alive. We seemed to have a lot in common, and we just connected on a level that I hadn’t with anyone else. It wasn’t the same connection that I had with Tom and Sam, but it was the same basic principle. But he was young, maybe even too young to really know what he wanted, yet. And he had potential that I couldn’t quite bring myself to quash.

And Harry. He was one of the few people to stick by me, tolerate me and accept me whatever I did. There was no pretending with him. I didn’t have to be someone I wasn’t because- chances are- he wouldn’t feel the same for me if I did. Yes, he cheated on me, but people make mistakes. I knew that I regretted some things I’d done in the past. And he could be possessive, but he was trying to control that. I knew that. And his going against my trust could be explained, and I hadn’t really given him a chance to do so since.

So I had to either pick between them or discard both of them, because I definitely wasn’t going to have both of them. That was unfair, wrong, and went against everything I believed in.

I couldn’t pick. I couldn’t bring myself to. I had to tell both of them that nothing was going to happen. I had to reject the two men- the only two I had ever loved like this. And it was going to hurt.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart and slow the frantic rush of blood in my ears. My head throbbed, so even thinking was a terrible strain. I just needed to take some time. Relax. Give myself a moment.

I realised the truth with a sickening jolt. I needed to sleep.

But how could I force myself into that? I wasn’t just going to drop off, that was for sure. My gaze fell on the syringe on the desk, and I had an idea.

It was ridiculous; my brain lectured me as I reached forward and picked up the Donkata carefully. If anyone found you, they’d think that you tried to top yourself. You’d be committed into some sort of mental rehabilitation programme where you’d have to talk about your past.

But I wasn’t trying to kill myself. Anyone who knew me would realise that immediately. I just needed a break from it all, I told myself as I twirled the needle in my fingers. I would turn my attention to the problem at hand when I woke up.

This was cowardly, yet another voice of reason claimed as it surfaced. This wasn’t going to get rid of my problems, this was just going to delay me having to face up to them- which I was ashamed to admit sounded damn good right now. If I did this, it wasn’t even like I was thinking it through. I was drugging myself to avoid doing just that.

Which, again, sounded damn tempting.

I rolled up my sleeve slowly. My head was screwed up right now- if anything, that needed time to recharge and absorb what I was going to do about this problem.

I felt nothing as I shoved the needle into my skin, and barely felt the cold flush before everything went black.

*****

I woke to a heavy weight on my chest and lap. I opened my mouth to speak, but was silenced by a pair of lips being placed lightly on mine. “What?” I managed.

There was a giggle as my vision cleared, and Dougie came into view, an amused look on his face. “Don’t move, yet,” he told me, plying with a strand of my hair contentedly. “That stuff you took is making you groggy. You passed out before you took it all.”

I frowned at him, “Doug, what are you doing here?”

His shoulders shifted as he shrugged carelessly, “I knew you lied to me again. I thought about it once you left, and it made sense. You couldn’t not have feelings for me.”

“But why-?” I began, but he cut me off by putting a finger to my lips gently.

“I had a sense you might do something stupid,” he said softly. “So I hacked out of there, and into here. It’s a miracle no-one saw me. What did you really think drugging yourself was going to achieve?”

The distain in his eyes made me squirm, “I just needed time.”

“Time for what, exactly?”

I stared into his eyes, “I can’t be with you, Dougie. It’s not because I don’t want you. I just can’t let you wreck your life over me.”

There was silence as he stared at me through those icy-blue eyes, his soft fringe falling into them. His mouth was set into an emotionless line, not giving any of his thoughts away. Then, those sweet pink lips parted, and he spoke one word:

“Bullshit.”

I stared at him, “Excuse me?”

“Bullshit,” he said again slowly, drawing out every syllable and enunciating every letter. His tongue clicked on the ‘t’. “That’s not why you’re doing it. You just don’t want to hurt your precious Harry!”

“I’m not even with Harry anymore!”

“Yes, but any moment now he could talk you back to him. And that’ll be just fine, ‘cause you got the teenager with the crush out of the way.”

“That’s not-”

“It’s not just a crush, Danny,” he said coldly. “I’m in love with you. You can’t just shove me away.”

Shock and fear pounded through me. “No!” I gasped breathlessly. “You can’t!”

He let out one of his dangerous chuckles, “What? Was that not part of your master plan?”

“You can’t love me,” I murmured, shaking my head desperately. He smiled slightly, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

“I can’t help how I feel. You don’t choose this kind of thing. It just…happens.”

“But, we can’t-”

“Do you really think either of us is going to back off because you tell us to?” he asked in amusement. “We’ll see you’re still single, Danny, and we’ll zoom in again. We’re not just going to let go. You have to choose.”

I met his gaze, “And you know who I’ll choose. It’s safer.”

“I don’t need you to protect me.”

“I don’t care.”

He giggled, stroking a hand down my hair and curling it around my neck, “Come on… You just need a little convincing about who you want…”

My lips curved, “I’m sure Harry would say the same thing.”

“Ah… But, the thing is: I’m the one who was here to see you wake up. I could sense it…” He captured my lips with his and gave me a sweet kiss. Unable to restrain myself, I slid my hands up his arms and placed them on the small of his back, pulling him into me. I loved kissing Dougie. I really did. His kisses just seemed to take over and fill every inch of me.

A shot rang out.

I felt Dougie stiffen against me. As I pulled back, I saw that all the colour had drained out of his face, and his eyes were wide and glassy. His mouth moved soundlessly as he tried to speak.

I couldn’t move at all. No! He couldn’t be-! But only that could make him like this… “Dougie?” I asked frantically, but he just collapsed into me. I could now see the gaping bullet wound in his back. And there was blood. So much blood. “You have to hold on, Doug,” I told him, taking him in my arms. “I love you, too. So much. You can’t die now.”

But I watched it happen. The light behind his eyes faded, his breath eased and he stopped moving. The hand that had previously been gripping my shirt desperately fell away like a stone.

“No!” I cried, shaking him violently like that would bring him back, my vision blurred by the hot tears that formed in my eyes.

“He’s gone,” a voice told me. I turned my tearful gaze to the door and froze. Harry was standing there, watching us with apparent interest, a gun held casually in his hand.

I gasped, “You shot-?!”

“You’re mine,” he hissed venomously, moving into the office. “I shouldn’t walk in here to find you sucking face with some blond bimbo who doesn’t look like he could tell his knee from his elbow!”

“You didn’t have to kill him!” I thundered.

“But I did…” He leaned on the desk, and raised the gun towards me, “Just like I have to do this:”

*****

I jerked out of sleep with a wrench of my heart that made my chest ache. I jolted upright, and my head connected with something solid, sending me crashing back down again. With a loud curse, I rolled onto my side. The person above was doing similarly.

“For God’s sake, Dan! I knew you had a hard head, but seriously!”

“Well, yours is hardly made of pillows,” I retorted, recognising Tom’s voice. I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings, including my best friend, who was clutching his forehead with a pained look on his face. “Why am I in your office?”

“Because I found you unconscious in yours and decided to keep an eye on you.”

“Oh.” My gaze dropped to my lap as I sat up properly, “Thanks.”

He sat next to me, “Dan… I’m always here if you want to talk. I hate the thought that you might be dosing yourself with Donkata to escape something. It makes me feel helpless.”

I smiled at him weakly, “That was a bad move on my part. I would tell you, but it’s too complicated. I’ve let it get too complicated…” I raked a hand through my hair, wincing as I brushed the spot that was still tender.

“I have time.”

I turned to him, saw the worry in his deep brown gaze, “I’m sorry, Tom. I think I have to deal with this on my own.”

“You’re not telling me?”

“No.”

“And I can push all I want, but you’re still not going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Just remember I’m here.” He studied me quietly, “One last question: Were you dreaming about it?”

I had one image in my head. Dougie in my arms, his head lolled back and his eyes wide, glassy and empty. I nodded, “Yeah.”

He exhaled slowly, “Must be one hell of a problem. You were writhing and flailing all over the place.”

I bit my lip, “Did I hurt you?”

“No. It was only when you woke up that you managed that,” he said with a grin, rubbing his forehead. I gave a sheepish wince. “It’s a shame you don’t talk in your sleep like Harry does, or I might’ve been able to get something out of you.”

I laughed, “It’s not that important.”

“It is to you.”

I nodded absently as I remembered something that Dougie had said to me in the dream, “Tom, did I take all of the Donkata?”

A thoughtful frown came onto his face, “No. I think you passed out before all of it was administered. Don’t worry, though. I checked with Aaron- he said the only side effects would be that your sleep wasn’t dreamless and that you may wake up sooner.”

“And?”

His gaze slid to the clock on the wall, “Yeah. You slept about ten, I think. I reckon I found you pretty quickly.”

I nodded, “Then it’s time for me to sort out my problem.”

Tom stood to see me off, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get anything out of me if I didn’t want to tell him. “Oh, and Harry was in here while you were out.”

I looked up at him, “Really?”

“Yeah. He pleaded endlessly until he was annoying me so much that I had to let him in to save my own sanity,” he commented. “But he sat with you for a good four hours before he got called away. Told me to tell you that he needs to talk to you.”

“He’s been trying to,” I admitted, getting to my feet. “But he always has very unfortunate timing.”

“He’s not going to give up.”

I sighed, “I know.”

*****

“You drugged yourself?!” Sam demanded, following me into the hostage viewing area.

“Don’t lean on the controls, you’ll turn something on,” I snapped at him, the warning coming too late as he did just that.

“It’s fine. I didn’t press anything,” he defended, retracting his arm. “But you’re not answering my question. What the hell could’ve possessed you to drug yourself?!”

“It was a mad moment.”

“No, a mad moment is…deciding to dye your hair or getting a piercing with no forward planning,” he corrected. “Danny, you knocked yourself out!”

“It seemed like a welcome relief at the time!” I hissed.

“Relief from what?” he questioned. When I didn’t answer him, he crossed his arms and eyed me evenly, “Do I have to tell you how stupid it was?”

“Nope. Already kinda figured that one out on my own, thanks.” I stared through the glass, to where Dougie was reading I book. I was just relieved to see him alive again. I had needed to see him alive again. The thought that there could be any truth in that dream made me feel sick. “I know that, but I just needed time. I needed to think it over. I needed to sleep.”

“But, Danny, the thought of doing that terrifies you.” He watched me intently, “This problem must be killing you to make you resort to that…”

I was just about to answer, then I suddenly frowned, my eyes on Dougie. He was staring at his book, but his pupils weren’t shifting like they would if he were reading. He was holding the book too tightly, like it was a shield. And I’d only just noticed how tense he was. “Sam…” I said slowly. “I think you hit a button…”

He frowned, “What? Why d’you think that?”

“Because Poynter can hear us.”

Sam swore loudly as Dougie’s gaze flicked up, and fixed on me even though he couldn’t actually see me. Beside me, Sam hit the right button, and a red light on the console flickered out. “I am so sorry!” he stammered. “I didn’t think-”

I held up a hand, “It’s fine. All you’ve done is make Poynter think I’m a junkie who takes so much that I knock myself out.”

He smiled sheepishly at me, “It paints a lovely picture…”

*****

I dumped the lunch tray onto the interrogation table, and looked up with a sigh. Dougie was lying on his back- his eyes closed and his breathing regular. His arms were even cleverly arranged so they looked as if sleep had made them so, but I knew better than that. “Come on, I’m the master of fake sleeping! I know what you’re doing.”

“Then you’ll also be fully aware that my reasoning for doing this is because I’m not in the mood for inane chit-chat.”

I nodded, “That’s fine with me. I’m trying to make you eat, not talk.”

He made an indignant noise, sitting up and holding out a hand for the tray. I just leaned on the table, staring him down. He groaned, rolled his eyes in a very exaggerated motion, “Do you think I’m going to crumb or something?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you, judging your current mood.”

His eyes narrowed, “Which is down to you, anyway.”

“Did I say otherwise?”

He sighed again, and stood up, walking over to the table. He pulled the plastic coating off the sandwich and bit into it, eying me over the top of the bread. I pulled out one of the chairs and sat down. I wasn’t allowed to leave a hostage to eat. I’d lost count of the times they’d managed to choke. But Dougie was chewing slowly, taking his time about it.

“So,” he said conversationally, taking a leisurely sip from his water bottle. “How was the drug induced coma?”

I cringed, “He made it sound worse than it was.”

“You can’t really glamorise drugging yourself,” he sympathised, picking up his sandwich again.

“It’s none of your business, anyway.”

He slanted me a look, “Really?”

“Not everything’s about you, Dougie.” I sighed, “It was me. It was…my needs. I was being selfish.”

He gave an obvious snort of amusement, swallowed, “The fuck you were.”

I cocked my head to the side challengingly, “Excuse me?”

He moved round the table and leaned against it right in front of me, leaning forward to pat me on the shoulder condescendingly, “Danny, baby, I’ve met charity workers who are more selfish than you. You didn’t do that for you. You’re just so worried about hurting me or Judd that you don’t want to have to.”

I stared at him in shock as he bit into his sandwich again. It was a little scary how well he knew me. “But I have to pick.”

He nodded, “So you’ve gotten that far. I would’ve hit you if you’d’ve tried to chuck both of us.”

I glanced up at him, “What happened to not wanting to indulge in idle chit-chat and the general hating of my guts?”

He washed down the last of his sandwich with his water, “You reassured me.”

“Of what?” I asked with a frown.

He shrugged, “That you still had feelings for me. That I wasn’t just some random roll in the hay.”

“But-”

He met my gaze again, causing me to cut myself off, “When I heard you talking about what happened, you know who I thought about? His was drink, yours is a knock out drug.” He groaned, “God, I guess you do end up dating your dad…”

I stared at him, “I thought that only applied to women.”

“What’s your point?”

“You’re a bizarre child,” I stated shortly. “That’s one thing I’m certain of right now.” He grinned at me wickedly. “Besides, I’m nothing like your father.”

He considered, “True. There’s just been that one flash.”

“And we’re not dating,” I said firmly.

He gave me another of those grins that made me want him so badly, “Just wait.”

I shook my head, “No. If I had to pick, you know who it would be.”

He sighed, “Naturally…” Using his empty water bottle as a prop, he whacked me around the head, “You’re so infuriating sometimes.”

I snatched the bottle off him before he could come back with a second round, “If you’re done, I have to go.”

“What? No pudding?” he asked as I stood up, biting down on his lip seductively. I was suddenly aware of how close he was. The crafty bugger had leant on the table right between me and the tray!

Well, two could play at that game. I leant into him to pick up the tray behind him, our chests touching and my cheek brushing his. “I’ll ask around,” I said huskily into his ear, causing him to shiver. “I’m sure there’s someone around here who would love to be of service to you…” I moved back, bringing the tray around his left shoulder, and- ignoring the fact that he was glaring at me once more- turned and left the room.

*****

I fiddled with the air conditioning controls. It was too warm in Dougie’s room right now. He would boil. I sensed someone at the door. “Sam, I really don’t have time-” I began, turning round, but I broke off. “Oh.”

“Hey,” Harry said simply, leaning on the doorframe and watching me.

“What d’you want?”

“To talk to you,” he said honestly. “Like I’ve been trying to all week. Are you going to send me away again?”

I regarded him, “Would you go?”

He shook his head, coming further into the room. “Danny, I’ve thought about what you said, and-”

“Don’t lean on the controls!” I snapped, making him jump. “For God’s sake, should I put up a sign? You would think people would use common sense…”

He laughed uneasily, “Sorry. But, anyway, I’ve been thinking about what you said.” I turned back to the controls. “And you’re totally right. I handled the situation wrong and I never should have forced you into that. I’m hoping this might make it up to you.”

I turned my head to meet his pleading gaze, and took the white envelope he held out to me, “What’s this?”

“Inside that envelope is your opportunity to make me face up to my biggest fear,” he informed me. His face flushes nervously as I started to open it, “Though, you may have to push me.”

I blinked at the pair of tickets that fell into my hand, and squinted at them curiously, “Bungee jumping?”

He flushed even deeper red, and I thought about it carefully in conjunction with phobias. Then my jaw dropped, “You’re afraid of heights!”

He nodded, “Always have been.” As I stared at the tickets, he cleared his throat, “One condition: If you accept those tickets, and my offer, then you’re agreeing to give me another chance.”

I looked up at him, then back down at the tickets in my hand. I slid them back into the envelope and, with my eyes on his, I tucked them into my jacket pocket.

He stared at the simplicity of the action, then- in one step- claimed my mouth with his. My hands moved up to grip his arms so I wouldn’t stumble back. He reached around my waist to pull me into him. I jerked back, though, as he began to toy with my shirt, pulling it out of my trousers.

“Harry!” I hissed. “Not here!” I shoved him away from me, pushing my shirt back into place.

He gave a light laugh, “Come on… Where’s your sense of adventure…? It’s not like he can see us…”

“I don’t care,” I told him, turning back to the controls. “I’m not letting you screw me in here.”

“You make it sound so vulgar.” I felt him move to stand behind me.

“With the time period we have, it would be.” But I couldn’t help the moan that tumbled from my lips as he lowered his mouth to my neck, his tongue seeking out my sensitive spots. My eyes fluttered closed as he assaulted my neck.

“Bugger off…” I breathed weakly as he began to grind into me from behind.

“No, I don’t think I will…”

I moaned again as he moved into me, trapping me against the controls. I pivoted sharply, and pulled his mouth down to mine hungrily. I sensed his shock in the shudder of the collision. His hands rose to my tie, but I broke away, shaking my head.

“Not over the controls.” My eyes searched the room as I ignored the disappointed look on his face, “The table by the wall.”

He grinned, “As you request.” He glanced over his shoulder to judge where the table was, and groaned pleasurably as I attached my mouth to his neck. He stumbled back, his arms curling around my waist, before he reconsidered and went to work on my belt.

He had it undone by the time we reached the table, and he shoved my trousers down before boosting me up onto it. My mouth met his eagerly again as he pushed me back into it in, and my fingers found the buttons of his shirt and I undid them quickly, biting into the skin of his shoulder as it appeared to me.

He unfastened his own belt and caused his trousers to pool at his ankles, leaving us both in our boxers- him more naked than me as I pushed his shirt off him and threw his tie aside. I trailed my lips over his collarbone, and down his chest.

His hands ran up to my thighs, parting my legs so he could stand between them. He eased my head up, and kissed me again softly. “I love you,” he whispered, not waiting for a response before claiming my mouth again. I took hold of his bum in my hands, and guided him towards my entrance.

I winced as he eased into me, experiencing the burning pain of being stretched to my limit. But that pain didn’t last long, as Harry found my spot and began to thrust against it.

I gripped onto his back as he pushed into me, a state of euphoria engulfing me. Our eyes met, and he watched me as he blurred in my eyes and I came.

*****

“Good afternoon,” I greeted cheerfully, striding into the interrogation room. “I would say I’m sorry for the wait, but I have little if no patience for bastards who can betray their whole team.”

Barton regarded me coldly, “Is that why I’ve been waiting for four days?”

“I had more pressing, and easily more interesting, tasks to complete.” I took a seat at the table opposite him. “So, what’s the excuse?”

“I hate you.”

“I didn’t ask you to state facts.”

Barton’s lips curled in a sneer, “I never would’ve betrayed Terrka if it wasn’t for you.”

“If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t be a Terrka in the first place,” I corrected dismissively. “But fine. Blame it on me like a coward, but explain to me how that led you to try to give up your own student.”

“Passing the blame is pointless, and I see no reason to make up a lie,” he said calmly, and I could tell he had put serious consideration into what he was going to say.

“Then tell me the truth.” I nudged the recorder towards him, having turned it on as I’d entered. “From the start. Tell me why.”

“You had humiliated me!” he claimed loudly. “Belittled me! Sent me away in disgrace! I was furious, so I made a decision. Rash, but it was what I wanted to do. I contacted Polydon.”

“And told them to make an offer.”

His eyes locked into mine, “You read them?”

“Every one.”

He nodded, “I should have anticipated it.”

“You were stupid not to delete the emails. Polydon offered you money?”

“Yes.”

“Did you name a cost?” At his silence, a condescending smirk curled onto my face, “A rookie mistake… If you don’t agree on a price, then you do their bidding and they reward you with a quid. You can’t trust people to be honest.”

“Then why are you so surprised I betrayed you?”

I laughed slowly, “I never trusted you, Barton. I just thought you were better than this. And, similarly, you could have gained my trust. Take Brant: Hate his guts, but I’ve put my life in his hands a good few times.”

“I fail to see what this has to do with me,” he snapped.

I shrugged, “Not much. I’m just talking to fill time since you don’t seem to be contributing.” I smirked as I stared across at him, “You went through all this bother to tip Polydon off about something that you knew.”

He frowned, not having anticipated that, “What?”

“You knew the information that they wanted from me and Sam.” He frowned as I continued effortlessly, “They wanted to know how we got into the base.”

“The ventilation shafts…” he breathed.

“Yeah…” I drawled. “But, oh, well. You messed that up, didn’t you?” I drummed my fingers off the table effortlessly, “I’ve been talking too much. Why don’t you take a turn?”

*****

I was in a fair mood as I walked back into the control room. The interrogation of Barton had gone surprisingly well, and I’d gotten all of the information I needed far quicker than I had predicted. But what I didn’t expect was to have my good mood shattered by the sight of Dougie crying to himself on the bed in his cell. Without pausing to think, I ran out of the room again and let myself into next door.

“Dougie?” I asked him softly. He turned away from my voice, swivelling round so his back was to me. But I could still see it shaking as he sobbed silently. I didn’t understand it. Dougie didn’t cry over trivial things, so what had happened?

I moved even closer in my attempt to find this out. “Doug?” I questioned, my hand barely brushing his shoulder before he jerked it away.

“I know you don’t want me anymore, Danny,” he spat coldly, his voice thick with emotion. “Let it be known: You’ve made that perfectly clear. So what grounds did you have to force me to watch that?”

I frowned at him in confusion, “What d’you-?”

“Did you plan it both times?” he continued, cutting across me like I hadn’t even spoken. “Just somehow get people to touch the controls so I wouldn’t think it was you? It was sound the first time, and then-”

I cut across him this time, “What are you talking about?”

He had turned to face me at some point during his accusations, and red, swollen eyes narrowed now. His whole face was drenched and covered in tear stains. “There’s no way this was an accident, Danny. I don’t believe in coincidences.” He jerked his head at the one-way mirror, “Have fun with Judd, did we?”

I turned to look, and the bottom fell out of my stomach. Somehow, the one-way mirror had been converted into a pane of glass, showing the inside of the controls room. It was like someone had just flicked a switch and made it like that… Oh, shit.

“Danny, I’ve thought about what you said, and-”

“Don’t lean on the controls!  For God’s sake, should I put up a sign? You would think people would use common sense…”

It was so impossible. What were the chances he would hit that switch…?

I moved back from Dougie soundlessly, my eyes wide as I stared at the glass, and my mouth opening and closing like a fish’s might. I tried to speak, but all I could do was make a choking sound. I’d never been so mortified in my entire life.

Dougie had seen. He had seen me accepting Harry’s offer, and he had seen our… I couldn’t believe that I’d managed to inflict that upon him. He’d seen. He’d seen me having sex with Harry after turning him down again. It was so cruel.

Dougie’s voice cut through my thoughts, “Wait. You really didn’t know…?” I managed to move my head to look into his doubtful eyes, and I began to back off even further. That’s when he sprung up: “Oh, no, you don’t! You’re not running out on me now!”

His hand closed around my wrist and he pulled me over towards the bed, concern on his face now. I just let him do it, still too shocked to do anything else. “Danny,” he said firmly. “Breathe. I can’t yell at you if you’re hyperventilating!”

He pulled me down to sit next to me, “It wasn’t that ba- Okay, no, I’m not saying that. It was horrific. But I’m relatively okay… You don’t need to have a heart failure because of it!”

I tried to speak again, only making yet another repulsive strangled noise. He made a series of shushing sounds, running his hands up and down my arms. Then his lips touched mine softly, and that was what gained him his first proper reaction.

Slowly, my arms moved up and curled around him, pulling him in for safety and comfort, while my mouth moved against him and kiss his drained me of all the tension. I lost myself in his embrace, and- in the passion of the moment- I found my lips forming the golden words against his, but that’s when I came to my senses.

I pushed him back, and stood up suddenly, pacing over to the wall, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise when I’m the one who started it,” he snapped.

“Because you felt sorry for me,” I shot back. “Though, fuck knows why you’d want to comfort me after what I just did to you!”

He stood up from the bed as I leaned against the wall with my hands over my face, “It was because I care, Danny. And you wouldn’t kiss me like that unless you cared, too. Which means you lied to me.”

I gave him a look of distain. “Of course I lied to you,” I told him, my voice coming out as more of a sneer. “I wasn’t about to let you be dragged into the mess I make of everything. Harry, it’s too late for him, there’s nothing I can do anymore. But you’re nineteen, and you don’t need me dragging you down.”

“Since when is that your choice to make?!” he demanded.

“Since I’m gonna be the one to watch you fall from grace,” I retorted. “I don’t want to do that to you!”

“Why d’you think you’re going to?”

“Every guy I have ever let close to me had ended up hating me, or cheating on me, or getting hurt, or all of the above. Let’s just conclude that I wasn’t made for a relationship.”

His lips curved slowly, “Have I hated you since we met?”

“A couple of times,” I reminded him.

“But never truly. Have I cheated on you?”

“You couldn’t really, since we’ve never really been in an actual relationship.”

“I haven’t slept with anyone else since I met you. Have I been hurt?”

“Yes. Just now being a prime example.”

“Danny,” he said sternly. “Will you be quiet for a moment? Yes. That’s all true. But my point is: I’ve been faithful and I want you. And I think that’s my choice to make.”

I looked up into his eyes, “Then, isn’t it my choice to reject you?”

“Yeah,” he concurred casually, sauntering up to me with an air of confidence that I found incredibly appealing. “But you don’t want to.” His lips touched mine briefly. “You just feel you need to.”

“Dougie…” I murmured weakly.

“Why don’t we compromise?” he offered. He moved his body into mine, his leg sliding between mine so we slotted together perfectly. “We’ll take it very slowly- giving me plenty of opportunity to back out if and when I want to.” His lips met mine again gently, and this time they stayed there.

*****

“Oh, my. There’s a really fit ex-actor standing outside my office! I bet I look a state!” I taunted as I neared the door.

“You look better than the still bruised actor!” Sam retorted, rolling his eyes.

“It’s getting better,” I told him honestly. And it was. The worst of the bruising had subsided to a pale yellow, and the cuts on his lips, cheek and nose were healing. “How was home with Maud?”

He nodded, “Not too bad. She was sympathetic when she first picked me up, let me sleep for a day, gave me a short lecture on responsibility and why we do not goad attackers, and then let me sleep for a further day. How are you?”

“Fine.” Practically floating off the ground. “Harry and I got back together.” Dougie had been really sweet and affectionate since he had pulled me back in again, and I knew I would never bring myself to ever dismiss him once more.

“Well, now I’m depressed,” Sam muttered, and I jumped before realising he was speaking about Harry- despite my thoughts being so firmly on Dougie. He knew nothing.

“There’s nothing wrong with Harry and I.”

He pulled a face, “You’re a really awkward couple.”

“No, we’re not!”

“Are, too. You look like you don’t want to be around him half the time, and it’s like there’s someone else on your mind who you like so much better.”

I pursed my lips, “I don’t have to justify myself to you.”

He latched on right away, the gossip instinct that always seemed to form in a guy with a female best friend being unleashed, “There is! Who?!”

“If there were someone, it would be none of your business…”

“But there is, isn’t there?”

I cocked my head and studied him, “Did something snap in your brain and make you enjoy being beaten up?”

“No…”

“Then why are you asking for it to happen again…?” I questioned, my voice dangerously low.

But he was undeterred. “Aw… C’mon… Just tell me who… Make up for the fact you didn’t get me a birthday present.”

“I didn’t know you on your birthday!”

He gave an injured sniff, following me into my office as I finally thought to open the door, “Yeah. Like that excuses you.”

“I’d say it’s a pretty valid reason, myself.”

“Just tell me,” he begged, his eyes going as wide and cute as was actually possible for Sam. Eyes that sarcastic could only do so much. “Please? Please? Please…? Please? Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?”

“It’s Dougie Poynter!” I cried, before shifting back to study his reaction. All traces of humour and innocence vanished from his eyes as he straightened up from where he had been sprawled on my desk.

“The Poly1?”

“Yes.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

At the look of shock, horror and disbelief on his face, I knew what I had to do. So I forced myself to smirk, and gave a fake snort of laughter, though it pained me to do it. “Of course I’m kidding. I’m not that stupid.”

He let out a relieved breath, “Thank God. Do you know how much  trouble you could be in if it was discovered you were sleeping with the hostage? Let alone Poly1?!”

“As chief interrogator, I have a fair idea,” I reminded him. “I was joking, Sam. Calm self.”

*****

“Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“What would you do if someone ever found out about us?”

I frowned, looking down at him where he was, resting his head on my chest, “What d’you mean?”

Dougie gave a meek shrug, splaying his fingers on my chest like a curious child might, “What would you do if everyone found out what we’ve been doing?”

“Hide from Harry,” I said truthfully.

He was having none of it. “Dan…” he whined at me.

“Well, I wouldn’t try to deny it, if that’s what you mean.”

He frowned uncertainly, “Why not?”

“Because it’s pointless. I’m not ashamed of anything we’ve done. This isn’t just lust-filled animal sex- it’s…more than that. It would be a storybook romance if not for the complications of Polydon, Terrka and Harry.”

“Which could be solved…” I heard him mutter in an undertone.

My whole body was flushed with a sudden chill. I knew what he was implying- of course I did- but the fact of the matter was that I didn’t want to end it with Harry. Despite everything, I still loved him. Yes, how tragic. In love with two men. If I were female, it would be a serious cliché. I shifted uncomfortably, “I better go.”

“No.” Dougie turned on the bed, trapping me underneath him. “You can’t run away every time I bring that up. You have to pick.”

“Then I’ll lose both of you,” I promised. He kissed roughly, forcing a reaction out of me like he never had before. It was primal, instinctive. My mouth was strained against his, as he plundered my mouth with his furiously. And when he drew back, both of us were gasping for breath.

“This isn’t fair,” he hissed.

“Don’t you think I know that?” I pulled his mouth back down to mine for one more kiss, then shoved him back and swung myself off the bed.

*****

“Are you okay?” Harry asked me that night in bed. I turned my head to see a look of concern on his face. “You’ve been acting really weird recently. Not weird, really, actually. More distracted. Distant. Like something’s pulling you away but you’re not sure if you want to go.”

I blinked. Wow. That was accurate. “I’m fine. There’s just a lot going on right now in the base.”

“It’s nothing to do with Terrka.” He dismissed that excuse straight away. “Why are you lying to me, Danny? I’m here for you to talk to. What can’t you tell me?” He sighed, rolling away from me. “Just when I thought we’d turned a corner…”

My heart gave a tug, and I shuffled across the bed towards him, touching my lips to his shoulder apologetically. He turned his body to look at me again and I leaned down to capture his lips with mine softly.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my lips brushing his lightly again. He stared at me probingly for a moment until he nodded slightly and reared up to kiss me again, his hand curling around my neck comfortingly.

*****

“You know, I really need to do some work,” I murmured against my boyfriend’s lips.

He ignored me for a moment, indulging himself in another deep kiss, “So do I. You don’t see me complaining about the break.”

I couldn’t help but grin, “Yeah, but we’ve been breaking for over an hour now…”

“So what’s an hour more?”