James

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” you snap at me. I remain silent, just letting your anger ride out, knowing I won’t come out any better for getting involved. You have reason to be angry. The studio is pressuring you about your album, and you’re not ready. I know you’re not ready… However, my silence seems to infuriate you even more. “OH, SO YOU’RE JUST GOING TO SIT THERE, ARE YOU?”

“No,” I whisper. I stand up and simply place a hand on your cheek. You stare at me, and I watch as you fight back your anger.

You flop down onto the sofa, your head in your hands, “Oh, God! Jay! I’m so sorry.”

I sit down next to you. “It’s okay… You’re stressed. I get it…”

You pull me into a hug, “I love you, Jay. Please don’t forget that.”

*****

I cry out as the glass shatters over my head. A couple shards manage to lodge themselves in my neck. “Matt! Calm down!” I beg. You don’t reply, just pick up another glass. There’s a crazed look in your eyes that makes my blood run cold.

“Where is he, Jay?! Where are you hiding him?!”

“Where’s who?” I duck as another glass is thrown at my head.

“YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHO!!” you roar, picking up another glass. You throw it at me, but in my confusion I forget to duck and it hits me in the side of the head. Lights explode behind my eyes and I crumple to the ground.

You once screamed at me, Matt. Now scream for me.

Matt

I can’t believe I just did that. I stare at you, lying lifelessly on the kitchen floor, your head bleeding. Oh, my God! What’ve I done?! I hurry over to you, shrieking your name, and feel desperately for a pulse. It’s weak, so weak that it terrifies me. How hard did I hit you?

*****

“Would you stop pacing?” Charlie snaps at me. “He’ll be fine. He was hit over the head with a glass, not a lorry.”

“It was my fault. I did this to him! He recommended that I see someone about the paranoia, and the anger. But I refused. If I’d’ve listened to him, we wouldn’t be here!”

“If you’d’ve listened to him, you would be you,” Charlie corrects with a gentle smile. “And it’s you he loves; you he worries about; you he dreams about. You’re his world, Matt. And he’ll fight for you if not for himself, just as you would for him, given the chance.”

“Given the chance, I’d go back in time and change it so this never happened,” I say bitterly.

“Yeah? Well, hindsight sucks, doesn’t it?” Charlie says sympathetically. “He’ll be fine. People don’t die from being hit over the head with a glass.”

“Mr. Willis?” a nurse appears next to us. “And Mr.…?”

“Simpson,” Charlie tells her. “You have news on James?”

She nods, looking solemn, which I already hate. “I’m sorry, but we lost Mr. Bourne a few minutes ago.”

“What?” I stammer. “No! Charlie! You said he’d be okay! YOU SAID!!”

Charlie pulls me into him, and hugs me tightly as my whole body began to convulse with heart-wrenching sobs. “Hang on,” he said, before the nurse could walk away and leave us in the lurch. “How the hell can someone die from being hit over the head with a glass?”

“Oh, no. It wasn’t that,” she says, sounding confused. “We believe it was due to the cancer.”

Charlie and I exchange looks. “What cancer?”

She looks shocked, “You were unaware? Mr. Bourne had a serious brain tumour, that was increasing by the day, and was surely causing him discomfort. The glass may have set it off, but it was getting to the stage that if he tripped and fell over, it may cause it to react. It wasn’t your fault, Mr. Willis. Once again, I’m sorry.”

*****

My fingers trace the engravings on your grave. I feel your name beneath my skin, wishing I could feel your flesh against mine one last time. I killed you. It’s because of me that you’re under here. If I hadn’t have been so wrapped up in myself, you would’ve told me about the cancer; let me help you get you treatment. And if I had listened to your pleas, you’d still be alive.

I once screamed at you, James; now I scream for you.