James

Your mouth feasted on mine- gently and lovingly. When you pulled back, I could see it in your eyes. You placed another kiss on my lips, and sat back. I cuddled into your chest. In the corner, Tom and Danny were arguing over which version of a riff they’d composed sounded better, while Harry and Charlie were deeply absorbed in a game of chess, and Dougie was no-where to be seen. The dressing room felt familiar, like home. You pressed a kiss to my forehead, “I gotta go.”

“Where?” I asked, not moving.

“Fletch wanted to talk to me about something,” you said, waving a hand dismissively. “Jay, move.” You slipped your hands under my bum and shoved me upright. “See you later,” you gave me one last peck on the cheek and left.

I clapped my hands, “Right, McFly. Out. To your own dressing room. I want to change.”

“But we haven’t finished!” Charlie complained.

“Then go with them,” I told him bluntly. “Go on. Out. All of you.” I chivvied them out the door and locked it behind them. So, needless to say, it was a bit of a shock when I turned around to see Dougie leaning against the en suite bathroom doorframe, watching me. “Oh… That’s where you went….”

“Lover boy have to go?” he asked casually, coming over and standing in front of me.

“Yup. Why? You jealous?” I taunted.

He responded by looping an arm round my waist easily. “You know I am…” he murmured, before devouring my mouth with his.

*****

As I watched you sleep, I regretted it. I always did. You didn’t deserve to be cheated on. You’ve always been so caring, so sweet, so- That was it. You’d gotten boring. You were so bloody predictable now. I was with Dougie for the excitement, the surprise, the passion, everything we seem to have lost…

*****

I woke up to find you gone. I rolled over, and stared at the spot where you’d been, before getting up and heading downstairs. “Matt?” I called. “Where are you?” I peered into the living room. Nothing. “Matt??” I went through to the kitchen. Nothing there either. I sighed softly. Then I felt a pair of arms slide round my waist, and lips against the back of my neck. I giggled, “There you are…” You pressed up against me, and made a trail of kisses of my neck and along my jaw line, before meeting my mouth firmly.

Afterwards, you nibbled on my earlobe lightly, “Morning.”

“Mmm…” was all I could get out in response. You laughed, and- placing your hands on the small of my back- attempted to shove me out the room.

“Go get changed. We gotta head out soon.” You were trying to be strict, but I could feel you smiling into me as I pulled you in for one last kiss.

“Be right back,” I told you, before running upstairs.

*****

“Dougie?” I called later on. “I gotta go.”

He came into the bedroom as I was pulling on my coat. “Don’t go… Stay…”

“I have to. Matt-”

“Leave him.”

I totally forgot what I was doing and stared at him. “What?”

Dougie shrugged carelessly, “Let’s face it, Jay.” He moved closer to me, and ran a hand down the side of my face gently, “You wouldn’t be here if you were happy with what you were getting at home. You two don’t work…we do.”

“I love him.”

His eyes narrowed, “You don’t cheat on someone you love.”

I pulled my coat tighter round myself. “Then there’s no hope for you and me,” I said coldly, heading to the door. “See you around.” I ran down the stairs and out the door, ignoring his cries of protest.

*****

When I reached home, I shut the front door behind me and leaned against it, letting out a long breath. I couldn’t believe he’d said that. I loved you. I always had. You didn’t deserve me, you deserved so much better. I lowered my head, fighting back tears, even though no-one could see me if I did cry. I moved through to the living room and fell onto the sofa, sinking into the depths of the sofa cushions.

*****

An hour later, I heard the front door open again. “Jay?” you called. “You home?” I stood up and went to investigate why you sounded so happy. Your grin widened as you saw me. “Look what I bought,” you enthused, holding up ‘Insomniac’, one of the only Green Day albums you didn’t possess, the one you’d been searching for for months, but shops always seemed to be sold out of when you looked. “They had it in Virgin,” you told me, setting it on the small table next to the door with utmost care. You looked so happy, so excited, so flushed, so like the man I fell in love with.

“That’s great, Matts,” I told you honestly. You sent me a cheeky grin. I took one long step forwards and pressed you up against the wall, trapping you with my mouth.

“You okay?” you asked with a light laugh as I pulled back to undo your jacket.

I looked up into your hazel eyes as I pulled your jacket past your shoulders and off. “Never better.”

*****

“We better get up,” I said later, throwing the covers off and trying to stand up. I squealed as you caught my waist and pulled me back into your side.

“Stay here…” he murmured sleepily into my shoulder. You pressed a soft kiss on the skin, and I relaxed. I turned over to look at you. Your eyes were closed, but I could tell you were awake. I put my lips to yours. You reacted instantly, flipping me onto my back and straddling me, your eyes glinting as you lowered your mouth to my neck.

*****

I pulled myself slowly out of bed later still. “I’m just gonna take a shower,” I told you. You muttered something incoherent into your pillow. I kissed the top of your head and left the room.

When I got back, you were up, and sitting on the side of the bed in your boxers, staring at something in your hand. It was small, and from where I was standing I couldn’t quite see exactly what it was. “What’s this?” you asked, and I could hear your voice trembling.

“What? Let’s see.” Fastening the long towel round my waist securely, I walked over to where you were sitting. I took the piece of paper out your hand and looked. It was a photo, one of the miniscule ones you get out of one of those photo booths scattered all over the place. Dougie and I had been drunk out our minds, and we’d gone in for a laugh, and had ended up kissing in front of the camera. It’d been about a month ago.

“What is it?” you asked firmly, your gaze boring into me.

“You can see what it is…” I muttered.

“I want to hear it from you!” you said loudly, turning to look at me. I could see the fury in your eyes. After seeing you so nice, for so long, it scared me. “When was it taken?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could be anywhere but here. Well, anywhere safe. Getting myself killed wouldn’t do anything to improve the current situation. “A month ago,” I finally muttered. “But we were drunk! We were just playing it up for the camera! You have to believe me.”

As I opened my eyes again, I saw you watching me with a look of disgust. “Was there a camera today as well?” you asked coldly. “And there was me just dismissing it as another bruise gained during a clumsy moment…”

“What?”

“You have a love bite on your ankle.” You tone was matter of fact, but you glared at me before pulling on a pair of trousers over the boxers you must’ve put on before you found the photo and stalked out the bedroom.

“What?” I lifted my foot into my hand and examined my ankle. There was a roundish, reddish-purple mark just above my malleolus. I swore loudly. “Matt! Wait!” I ran out onto the landing just in time to hear the front door slam.

*****

I hurried after you as you stormed off the stage after our performance. Dougie shook his head pityingly as we passed, but I ignored him. “Matt!” I begged as we entered the changing room. I locked the door behind me. “Please! Just talk to me.”

“I don’t have anything to say, Jay,” you snapped, making what most people use as a playful nickname sound like poison. “And if you’re about to tell me that you fell on a Hoover, I sure as hell don’t want to listen!”

“I didn’t…” I said quietly. “I didn’t mean for it to go this far, it was just a bit of fun… You were unresponsive to anything I did. Not that it’s your fault,” I added as you narrowed your eyes at me. “I was just sick of feeling unwanted, okay? I wanted to feel good about myself. To feel independent.”

“To feel free,” you said stonily. I nodded miserably.

“I felt so compressed, locked in,” I protested as you turned away. “Matt! I never meant to hurt you! I love you!”

“Just not in bed…” I heard you mutter.

“No!” I took hold of your arm, and spun you to face me. “Yesterday was incredible, Matt. I loved every moment of being with you. It felt like us again. How it was in the beginning. The excitement, the passion, the love. It was how I’d always wanted us to be again. You in control. Sure of yourself. Not afraid of anything. That’s all I want. To be us again.”

“So tell me, how were you going to achieve that by shagging Dougie?”

“I don’t know!! Okay?! I don’t have a clue!! It was never supposed to last this long. And now he’s convinced we belong together…but I just want you.”

You stared at me for a long moment. “You hear that…?” you finally whispered. I frowned and shook my head. “That was the sound of my heart breaking…”

My lower lip shook at the look of disgust that was quickly becoming a permanent part of his face whenever I was around. “Matt… I’d do anything to apologize. Anything!” When you continued to simply stare at me, I sighed, running a hand down the side of your face. “What do I have to do, Matts?” I whispered. “I’d do anything. Anything. I just need you. I love you.”

A pained expression crossed your face, “It’s not that simple, Jay…”

“Please?!”

You watched me carefully for about a minute. “I can’t. Not yet.” You moved to the door, unlocked it, and left. My lower lip shook violently, and my eyes welled up uncontrollably. I fell onto the sofa, and I cried.

*****

“Go away!!”

“James, please?! This is clearly making you unhappy. And I don’t want to see you unhappy…”

“Then you never should have slept with me!!” I snapped.

“What, and let all my dreams go out the window?” he retorted. He blew out a long breath. “James, you weren’t even happy with him. Now, he gets angry and leaves you, you suddenly want him again.”

“It’s not like that!”

“It’s exactly like that,” Dougie corrected. He bent down, so his face was directly in front of mine. “But, he doesn’t want you, Jay. He’s made that perfectly clear…” He leaned forward, kissing me softly, as I wished Matt would again. I shoved him back as soon as I could summon up the energy.

“Don’t.”

“But, James-”

“Just…don’t, Dougie.” I looked at him, “Despite all this, one thing remains, I don’t want you. I never did. It was a bit of fun. Get over it. If I can’t have Matt, I can’t have anyone.”

“No! James!”

“Get out!” I commanded. “You ruined the best thing in my life. Now, I want you out of it. Leave. Now.”

“But-”

“GO!!!” I screamed. He stared at me for a moment, before turning and running out via the door. I sank back into the cushions, staring at the ceiling. It was a moment before I realised someone was perched on the sofa next to me.

“Getting rid of him as well? You’re going through us fast just now, aren’t you…?” your voice was calm, with a joking lilt to it. I turned my head to look at you. You gave me a small smile, “I’ve been thinking… And after seeing that display, I’m certain of it. I want to give you another chance.” You held up a finger before I could say anything, “But, I will restrict you even more than before.”

I nodded, “Of course. Thank you!” I threw myself at you and kissed you. An even warmth spread through my body as I felt you close to me. I felt you smile into the kiss as I fingered the bottom of your t-shirt suggestively. Yup. It was all going to be better from now on…

*****

One month later

Matt

“You have to get going,” I told you sternly. You grinned, and caught my mouth with yours again. I never seemed to tire of kissing you, and the feeling appeared to be mutual. The problem was, it always seemed to happen when one of us was meant to be elsewhere. We’d gotten off to a rocky start in the rebuild, but now we were as close as ever. You ignored any longing looks Dougie sent your way, focusing entirely on me. And I had no complaints about that fact…

“I have to,” you said breathlessly. “That doesn’t mean I want to.”

I laughed lightly, “Go!” Pulling you into a hug, I put my mouth next to your ear and whispered: “We’ll continue this later on…” I felt your excitement against my thigh, and couldn’t help but smirk. “Go.”

You kissed me quickly on the cheek. “Later.” You grinned at me and pulled open the door.

“So, that’s going well…” Charlie observed.

I smiled at him. “It is. He’s totally committed this time. It’s great.”

He returned the smile, “I’m glad. You two go well together. You…compliment one another.”

“Thanks, Chaz.”

“No problem. I-”

There was a knock at the door, and one of the people who worked for the show stuck his head round the door. “Charlie, Camilla’s here to see you.”

“Right…” he stood up, rubbed his hands together and grinned down at me. “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah.” I watched him leave, and flopped down onto the sofa, leaning my head back. I heard the dressing room door open again, but I didn’t bother to move, I was too comfy where I was. I heard the faint click as they locked the door. They moved behind me and I felt a pair of hands gently massaging my shoulders. I moaned softly and opened my eyes, but I couldn’t see them. Their hands slid down my chest.

“Afternoon…” a voice whispered in my ear. I turned my head and a pair of lips found mine. As the kiss deepened, I pulled him over the back of the sofa forcefully so he was on top of me. I broke away, and smiled up at him, threading my fingers in his dark hair.

“Hey…”